Entertaining

Another great Saturday, with all my girl friend play-date events. Jim and I had company arrive late this afternoon, son Steve and wife Lori, and they will stay with us through the 4th of July. I made a meatloaf dinner with baked potatoes, corn on the cob, broccoli slaw and fresh fruit. It turned out very well and we all enjoyed everything, but having the oven on was perhaps not the best choice for a hot and humid day. I was cooked!

Tomorrow we're having a family cookout over here, and it will be a great day. The grandkids haven't been here for quite a while, and it will be great to see them again. I've missed them. I don't think they know that I have cancer - I don't know what they have been told - and they may not understand why I've lost my hair. I'll wear a scarf and perhaps they won't notice that I don't have any hair. These darned scarves are pretty warm and uncomfortable on a hot day - a wig is even worse - but seeing me with a bald head would be just way too scary.

PHOTO: I confess this is not really my work, but I really like the photo. I took the picture of a framed picture of a clown that was in a display case in Sorrento, Italy. I loved the face and the sad expression.

Partying

Just got home from happy hour and dinner with some of Jim's friends from Gold's Gym. It was a nice way to spend a Friday evening with a warm and friendly group of men and women. Everyone got together to celebrate one woman's birthday, and we were invited to join them. Jim knows them all, but I hadn't met any of them before tonight. We all had a lot of fun together, and it would be nice to do it again some time.

Jim told them a while ago that I have cancer, so no one was surprised by my scarved head. They were all very encouraging and positive. One man's wife is battling cancer for the second time, and hers is much worse than mine, in many parts of her body, including her lung. I am so lucky in comparison. She wasn't there tonight. Apparently she doesn't go out of the house. This was actually the first social occasion I've had, other than get togethers with my girl friends, and I felt a little conspicuous. But I put on makeup and tried to look as healthy as I could, and the scarf coordinated with my outfit. But I still have that self-conscious feeling when I walk through a room that everyone can tell I have cancer. Maybe I'll get over it before long. I hope so.

PHOTO: This gorgeous photo is our backyard patio at the height of autumn color. I love the fall season.

Getting in Shape

I have a new exercise routine. I bought a tread mill for a steal, and Jim and David muscled it upstairs for me. Now it's in my Studio. I love it. I can exercise while I'm watching TV, listening to music, or whatever. I'm also not influenced by the weather, and I will save on gas since I don't need to go to the gym. By just moving things a few inches this way and that, everything fits beautifully. I also have some hand weights I can use while I'm walking for a little extra weight bearing exercise.

I've been eating less lately, maybe because it's summer, but at any rate I've lost about five pounds. That is a good thing all around, but especially for the surgery I'll be having later on. Sometimes people gain weight with cancer, and I want to avoid that if at all possible.

PHOTO: A water lily in the fish pond next to our patio. Isn't it gorgeous?

Paperwork Nightmare

I've been sitting here for over 2 hours trying to make heads or tails out of the medical bills and insurance payment papers I've been collecting in an alarmingly tall stack. I pay my portion of the bills as soon as I get them, so as not to get behind and end up losing our house, but matching the bills I get with the insurance company's statements is absolutely defeating me. When I put together what I find is a match, I want to jump up and do a happy dance, it's such a big deal. This is crazy.

I am of course very grateful that I have medical insurance, and grateful as well that the doctor's offices at times seem to do some writing off of the patient balances, but I feel like I need to ask for some patient advocate to help me weave my way through the whole mess. What worries me is that I'm still at the beginning of all this billing mess - earliest date 4/6/07. If I'm stumped at this point, I'm in big trouble.

PHOTO: Beautiful foods for sale at a chestnut roasting festival in Stresa, Italy, on Lago Maggiore. Perhaps the most beautiful town I've ever seen.

Hooray! No Rabies!

Whew! We dodged a bullet this time. The department of Environmental Health called this afternoon to tell us the the bat that Jim brought in for analysis was NOT rabid. Boy, that's a big one. I hate to think of the repercussions if it had been rabid. Pong was the bad cat who tore into the bat. All the cats would have been quarantined, and who knows what else. Shiver!

Jim took all four cats to the vet's office this morning in lots of cages, amid loud squalling, protestations and caterwauling. Everybody was very indignant and furious. They were all brought up to date on their shots, so they're all legal now. They were then brought home and skittered out of their cages, not to be seen again. They're all sleeping off the effects of the drugs, so all is quiet in our household for the next 24 hours or so.

All this will be repeated again in three weeks, when they have to get a Calici booster. Calici is a Feline Upper Respiratory Virus. I feel good that they are now up to date with their shots, although it put quite a dent in our checkbook. I don't object. It's part of the responsibility of being a pet owner.

PHOTO: Introducing our Tonkinese family: Pong, up by Jim's head, Ball, Ming Poo, and Paddle. According to their weights this morning, that's 38 pounds of cat! Pong = 13# 11oz, Ball = 9# 1 oz, Ming Poo = 7# 3 oz, Paddle = 8# 0 oz.

Breast Cancer Warrior

I finished my Breast Cancer Warrior today, and I'm delighted with the way it turned out. I hadn't anything in mind when I began working with the polymer clay, but little by little it took shape, and as I began embellishing the figure, I came up with other ideas that have meaning to me, and this was the outcome. I think she needs to come to chemo treatments with me to offer her power and good juju. I haven't named her yet, but I'm open to suggestions. Here is the description I added to the photo in my flickr account:

"My Breast Cancer Warrior Crusader in all her glory, with her mighty powers of healing and curing all forms of breast cancer. All mutant cells quake beneath her terrible, ferocious gaze. All tumors recoil and die in her presence. She is a terrible foe of every breast cancer cell in the universe, and she is immortal. Nothing will ever harm her, and she will forever endure. She is The Cure."

This is my first attempt at clay art, and I enjoyed it immensely. I plan to continue trying my hand at this hobby with my friends, Sharon and Cathy. We have been gearing ourselves up for this for a while now, and we're psyched!

If you have any ideas for a name for my Warrior, please send me an email, via the envelope at the end of the post. Thanks!

Pong 1, Bat 0

Why is it that my life seems always to be full of drama? I just go about on my merry way, and drama flows in my wake. Today we found a dead bat on our front sidewalk. Dead, as in killed and bloody. Oh joy. Our cat Pong has upped the ante on his hunting, from butterflies, to moles, to chipmunks, to bunnies, and now a bat. So now we are faced with the prospect that the bat may have been rabid, and if so, did the bat bite Pong, and where do we go from here.

Meanwhile, I looked up Pong's vet records, and he was at the vet's in 2/06 for a cyst, and had a number of shots and things done at the time, but no record of having had a rabies booster. If Pong is infected, I am of course at risk from him, as well as the other cats in our household. So until we get this resolved, I'm staying clear of the cats, and we haven't let them outside today. The bat had probably been there for up to 24 hours. Jim collected the bat in a ziplock bag and put it in the refrigerator to take to the proper authorities tomorrow. He took a hose to the sidewalk to wash off the blood, which I hope was enough. I mentioned bleach, but he didn't think it was necessary.

Anyway, tomorrow we will call our doctor's office and find out what steps we need to take. I'm really hoping the bat was just unlucky, and not sick. I can imagine that if I contracted rabies with my immune system at a low ebb, it would definitely land me in the hospital, if not worse.

PHOTO: On a gondola ride through the Grand Canal in Venice, we saw many beautiful bridges. I like these wrought iron ones.

White Tornado

Not really much to post about today. My strength is coming back, which is a good thing, and it makes me want to tear into projects and adventures that leave me kind of tired, but that's ok. Last night I had a burst of energy and cleaned my refrigerator within an inch of its life, washed with soap and water, tossed out lots of stuff, and finished up just after 11:30 PM. Totally cleaned the kitchen, ran a load of dishes, put them away, and reloaded the few extras. Went to bed about midnight, but still not tired, so I listened to a book on tape with earphones for a half hour. That story had better start picking up, or I'm going to abandon those whiny Southern Belle women and find something with a better plot.

Went out with friends again today, and it turned out to be a full day. Warm and dry, so it was a good day to take advantage of the comfortable weather, since the prediction is for temps of 95° in a few days. Ugh. The last thing we did was to attend a church picnic, where I picked up 2 orders to go, and brought them home for our dinner. It was pretty good food - fried chicken, ham, potato salad, cucumber salad, pickled beets and succatash. Jim complained about the lima beans in the succatash, but this is the south, and that's typical food around here. I ate it, and frankly, it was quite good. The limas were baby ones and very tender. He has some sort of mental block about lima beans and goes to great lengths to avoid them. Sigh ...

PHOTO: These sheep are Karakuls, a rather rare breed that goes back thousands of years, perhaps the oldest breed of domesticated sheep. Their wool is prized by hand spinners, and is the wool upon which the art of felting evolved. I took this photo at the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, a Maryland tradition every May.

Two-For-One Office Visit

Today I went to have my blood checked at the oncologist's office. I was met there by Stacy, the nurse from my surgeon's office upstairs. She was there to collect a vial of blood for my BRCA test at the same time I was having blood drawn for my white cell counts. With her was Kim, my breast cancer mentor whom I haven't seen for a couple of weeks. That was so nice! They had called Dr. Silva's office to find out what time I was scheduled to be coming in, and came down to meet me there to save me time and another "stick" for another blood draw upstairs. I was really touched by that. I'm a real person to them, and they greet me like a friend when I come in. The oncology office was short handed a pharmacist and a nurse and the office was mobbed. Even so, I was wisked into a chair, made ready for the port access, got the BRCA paperwork signed, and we had a nice chat until the oncology nurse was able to come in, access the port, and get the blood.

Dr. Silva was also there to greet me, and I had my office visit with him, where he checked me over and satisfied himself that all is coming along really well with my chemo. My white blood cell counts are in a good place this time, so I'm in better shape than I was a week after the first treatment. He answered all my questions and I felt good leaving the office. Just before I left, Stacy handed us the Fed Ex envelope addressed to the BRCA testing lab, ready to drop off, and we were out of there.

I can't tell you how good it makes me feel to be treated so warmly by all the staff in the oncology office. It's not me, I'm sure they treat all the patients the same, and that says a lot about the level of care we are all getting.

PHOTO: This is a photo of Ping, Pong, and Paddle, our Tonkinese cats when they were still kittens. They loved watching TV, and here were watching a tennis match, trying to grab at the ball on the TV. Paddle was a month younger, and she didn't quite have the concept at the time, but Ping and Pong were very into the game.

Time to Test for BRCA 1&2 Gene Mutation

One of the tools in treating breast cancer when it occurrs to multiple members of a family is to do a BRCA1 & BRCA2 gene mutation test. Because breast cancer has happened to my mother and 2 sisters before I was diagnosed, it's a good possibility that a mutated gene may be present. If I carry that gene, my risk for a recurring cancer is 67%, and I'm also perhaps at risk for ovarian cancer, although since I'm post-menopausal that may not be true. Knowing the answer to whether I'm positive for BRCA1 or BRCA2 will mean that my doctor and I can decide what surgical options would be best for me. For example, there is the option of removing the ovaries, and/or doing a bilateral mastectomy instead of only a mastectomy on the side that has the cancer. Doing the bilateral mastectomy would reduce the total amount of tissue at risk, but unfortunately, the surgeon can't get 100% of the tissue. Breast tissue is found all through the chest wall area, under the arm, etc. Getting a bilateral mastectomy may end up giving me a false sense of security, but I think the odds are better that it wouldn't come back. Really, it is too early to be talking about this issue, since I don't have all my facts, but it's important to get going on the test now. I won't be having the discussion about my surgical options until I'm finished with my chemo treatments, and that won't be for over 4 months.

What I do have is assurance to from my insurance company that they will pay for the test, which is a good thing. The cost for the test is over $3000 and it takes weeks to get the results, so I am glad my doctor is getting on it now. I'm going in tomorrow to see my oncologist, and will stop in at my surgeon's office for a blood test to kick off the BRCA test.

PHOTO: This is an autumn photo from the property across the road from us, Cold Saturday Farm. I love walking through there and often have my camera with me to capture beautiful scenes like this.

Knot Fair

The verdict is that the pokey thing next to my port is not a danger, it's just some extra fishing line the surgeon used to tie the port in place. Well, not actually line from a Bait and Tackle shop, but close. It's called polyfilament, a plastic material they use for suturing these days instead of silk thread. The silk may be more comfy, but not as strong and more susceptible to resulting in an infection. He explained that he uses polyfilament to anchor the port in place and to prevent it from turning around. He ties five knots to secure it, and once the knots are tied, there are 2 snipped tails left. One of those tails is what has been occasionally jabbing me. Visualize those pesky pieces of plastic wire we cut when we remove clothing tags.

He assured me that it is not dangerous - not sticking into a vein - just my skin. As the incision area is healing, the tissue underneath that has no sensation dissolves, and the skin, which on the other hand has sensation, is vulnerable to poking. He said if I want, he can do a procedure in his office under local anesthetic to clip the sharp point, but it might unravel the knots, and then the port could move around. Hmmm... Also, I would need to wait until a time between my chemo infusions when the white blood counts are high. Right now they are at the lowest point, and I could easily get an infection.

Now that I know it's just an annoyance and not something to be concerned about, I think I'll pass on the snipping. Of all the procedures I will need to go through with this cancer thing, the poking is about on par with a paper cut.

PHOTO: This wonderful stained glass window is in the Murano Glass museum, Murano/Venice, Italy. I think it is a beautiful piece of art. I love the colors.

How Long Will it Take You to Get Here?

I've noticed for a few days now that something isn't quite right with my port. There seems to be something rather sharp at the side of the port that gives me a poke every now and then if I move in certain ways, and touching my finger to the skin over it, barely touching it, hurts. Hmmm.... Not knowing what could be sticking me from the INSIDE is rather disconcerting. I hope it's not poking through the vein. Shiver!

Well, I thought I should probably have this checked out. I have an appointment with my oncologist on Friday, so I called the doctor's office who implanted the port to see if I could piggyback an appointment with him while I was there. Explained this to the receptionist who answered the phone, who passed me on to the nurse. She started to alarm me when she said "Where are you? How long would it take you to get here?" Huh? She wanted me to get there by 3:00, and it was already 2:15. I told her no way I could get there by 3, when they could squeeze me in. How about Friday? You need to come in. He needs to see you. And no, he doesn't have any time on Friday, he'll be in surgery. We split the difference and I made an appointment for tomorow morning at 11:30.

I really don't want to have another surgery on this port, but if something has shifted, I can't imagine that it can be corrected without going back in. I may be seeing him on Friday after all. Rats!

PHOTO: I love color. I took this photo of a colorful variety of masks on display near the Cathedral of Pisa and the Leaning Tower. It's another one of my favorites. (I have a lot of favorites.)

Free the Radicals!

I've been reading some discussion boards on the breast cancer site, and now I have something else to talk to my doctor about. Apparently some cancer patients have been told that taking anti-oxidants while on chemotherapy isn't a good idea, because if you take C & E especially, you are sending in "free radical" fighters. Well, chemotherapy and radiation ARE free radicals. Some doctors/oncologists think the vitamins might go after the very things we are sending in to kill the cancer cells. Green tea is another anti-oxidant that perhaps should be avoided. I don't know if there have been studies done on this, but if so, I'm sure my doctor can bring me up to speed. When my white blood counts were low, my doctor did tell me to take a multi-vitamin and a B-complex supplement. I do sometimes drink green tea, but haven't been lately. I do know that this is serious poison I'm agreeing to, and I don't want to block the cancer killing effects with too much orange juice or blueberries.

PHOTO: This was a full moon through the trees in our front yard. It's a little blurry since I was holding the camera in my hand.

Father's Day

This is my Dad, J. Stanley Orr. He's been gone a long time - he died at age 80 in 1992, 15 years ago now. I look at this photo, taken about the time when he was in his early 70's, and it brings back so many memories. I grew up with my Dad, after my parents divorced when I was 4, and I think back on what a huge presence he was in my life. We had a pretty close relationship, except for those awkward teenage years, doing battle over the normal parental-child feuding, and he was a very good father to me.

My Dad was born in 1912, the youngest of 3 children. When hard times hit in 1929, he was a junior in high school. He got a job in the summer before his senior year, and when it came time to go back to school, it was an easy decision for him. You just didn't give up a paying job if you were lucky enough to have one, so he never finished high school. He worked at many jobs over the years, and at one point went into the sheet metal business with a friend, but mostly he worked as a salesman. For a number of years, before the advent of computers, he worked for Monroe Calculating Machine Company in Cleveland, and then later in Tuscon, Arizona. He was always good with numbers, good at math, and taught me how to do math in my head. One time his company had a problem they were working on with one of their machines, and everybody put their heads together to try to come up with an answer to solving it. My Dad woke the following mornng, and while eating breakfast, his pencil flew across the white enamel breakfast table, as he wrote down from memory the answer that had come to him in a dream the night before. He brought his answer in, and sure enough, it worked!

My Dad had a great sense of humor, and loved a good joke. He could tell funny stories with delightful dialects and accents, and unlike me, he could remember jokes. He was a rather shy person around new people, and never felt comfortable or at ease in a party setting. He liked movies, but didn't care much for plays. I remember going with him when I was in my late teens to see The Odd Couple performed live on stage. It didn't make too much of an impression on him. As a child, he took me to see The Wizard of Oz. I was so completely into the movie that I was upset, scared and crying by the part where the flying monkeys snatched up Toto, and I was carrying on so much that we ended up having to leave the theater. I couldn't stand for anyone to hurt an animal, and he was a softy himself, so he understood.

My Dad bought me my first pet, an Irish Setter puppy for my 2nd birthday. Dad named him Terry O'Malley after a character in the comics, and I had Terry for 13 years. He was a lovable dog, but not terribly bright. He would get out of the yard occasionally and once he lost sight of his house, he'd end up blocks away, and we'd get a phone call from someone saying our dog was on their porch, and we'd have to go off and get him. He'd had distemper when he was a puppy, and it affected his hearing and his teeth - and probably his common sense. He was beautiful, though, and I couldn't have had a better dog growing up.

I remember going out to buy clothes with my Dad, neither one of us knowing much in the way of fashion or style, and my play clothes one summer ended up being tops and shorts in chartreuse and hot pink. Years later, my best friend told me she remembered those clothes and how the colors clashed, but she never said anything at the time. We both had a good laugh. I thought I looked great!

My Dad was the first man to ever give me flowers. I was inducted into Job's Daughters when I was about 15, the Masons' group for teen-aged girls whose fathers were Masons, and my Dad bought me a Gardenia corsage. I still remember the way it smelled, and the pride of being able to wear it, and the fact that my Dad had thought to buy it for me.

My father wouldn't let me get a driver's license when I turned 16, because he said he didn't want to be responsible for me if I had an accident, which he was sure would end up in his being bankrupted. The law was laid down, and I couldn't get my license until I turned 21 years old, even though I was living on my own by age 19. I was supporting myself and ended up buying my own car when I turned 21, but didn't know how to drive it. It was a 1965 Ford Fairlane 500 that I bought through the claims department of the insurance company I was working for. It had been a stolen and stripped car, but the insurance claims manager made sure it was a sound and well running car when it was put back together, and I finally had my freedom.

Over the years my Dad would write me letters and send cards, and I still have many of them. Every once in a while I pull them out and read about what was going on in our lives. We kept in touch on the telephone frequently, and had some really nice conversations. The last time I talked to him he was in the hospital, dying of heart failure. He had been in and out of the hospital and a nursing home for several months, and he just didn't have anything left to fight with. We talked, and then he was crying and he said, "I'm going to miss you so much." I was crying and told him I would miss him too, and shortly thereafter we hung up. It was so sad. He died the following day.

I still feel his presence in those moments when I just squeak by in a near miss, and I can't help but wonder if he's still watching out for me.

Treadmill in lieu of Treading Water

I feel as though I've been moving at half speed today. Very tired. However, went out anyway with my friends for our Saturday Yard Sailing venture, which proved as usual to be fun and profitable. My best find was a nearly new treadmill for $15. Called Jim on the cell phone, and he came and picked it up in his truck. It is fully operational, records everything electronically, and I've been wanting to get one for a long time. Having a tread mill at home will allow me to get my walking excercise without driving all the way to the gym. Just temporarily, I plan to put my membership on a medical hold, since my main use of it is my water aerobics classes. I've been told public pools are not a good idea for me right now. Actually, the whole gym environment is probably a veritable germ factory, best avoided when my white blood cell count is low. By the time I got home, Jim and a helpful neighbor had put it in the basement, which isn't exactly where I had envisioned setting it up, but it should be fine. I can set up my books on tape while walking, listen to my iPod, or take down a small TV to watch. It is nice and cool down there, dry, and there's room. And weather is not an issue.

PHOTO: This is perhaps my very favorite photo, taken in a barn on an ancient thatch-covered sheep farm in Ireland. I loved the Andrew Wyeth effect, the images, the lighting. We were walking through to watch a demonstration of the farmer's dog rounding up the sheep, and I snapped the bags of wool and chairs as we went past.

Untangling my Confusion

Today I had chemo treatment #2, and 2 more to go of this combination, Adriamycin and Cytoxan. I was wrong about how many treatments I will receive, thinking I would have 12 treatments of the A/C, but it's 4 treatments every 3 weeks for 12 weeks. Duh. That's the first set of chemo drugs, after that, the second set of treatments is Taxol and Herceptin, once weekly for 12 weeks. The Taxol will then stop at 12 weeks, but the Herceptin will continue for a total of a year, or 52 treatments. Actually the Herceptin isn't a chemotherapy, it's a targeted biologic therapy. Two or 3 weeks after I'm finished witht the Taxol, I will be staged and have a PET scan to see how the chemo has done against the cancer, and then I will have surgery, heal for perhaps a month, then the radiation, but I don't know if the Herceptin is continued weekly during that time or delayed. I think the Taxol is the drug that may cause some of the more severe side effects - mouth sores, neuropathy of fingers and toes, and joint pain, for example. My side effects from what I've received so far have been very mild, mostly just a little more tired, headachy. I keep waiting for something more to happen, but thankfully, I'm feeling pretty well.

Also, I was told today that other than being careful, washing my hands all the time, and avoiding crowds, I can continue to do things I normally would. Don't have to live in a bubble. Restaurants are ok, but I would be careful of many of them. The 4th through 9th day or so after the treatment are the times when my white blood cell count will probably be lowest until the Neulasta kicks in, and so those times are more dangerous for picking up a bug of some sort. Lots to learn and think about, but I'll get it eventually. Just have to keep notes and keep asking questions.

PHOTO: This was a cold day last winter, walking on a beach on Cape Cod. Loved the beach cottage peaking over the dunes, and the beautiful blue sky above. Really captures the feel of the Cape.

Bye-Bye Water Aerobics

I'm feeling a little headachy tonight, but otherwise ok. Had a light dinner and no nausea. I'm feeling positive about side effects this time - maybe won't be having too many, and that would be a really good thing. One thing I asked about today was going to my water aerobics classes, and was told that is not a good idea, so it looks like that will be out for the next six months. They said that they discourage people from using public pools. Well, I don't want to put myself at risk, so I will do as they say. But boy am I going to miss it! The hour-long exercise class is held in the cooler lap pool, usually about 82°, and then we relax and chat for another 15 minutres or more in the arthritis pool, kept at about 92°. Another thing is that now that it is summer, there are a lot of babies and kids using the pools, and that introduces more bacteria and viruses into the water. Can't help it.

This day was rather uneventful as far as my chemo treatment was concerned. Got there at 10:15 and out the door at 12:30. Listened to my iPod, had a snack, played a little Sudoku, read a little, and snoozed a little. They put some Benadryl into the drip to prevent an allergic reaction, and the effect is that most everyone there was sleeping. My drip was set a little faster this time than the first time, and I was surprised when Cathy, the nurse, said I was all finished. Came home, had sandwiches for lunch, and spent a quiet afternoon, finishing it off with a long nap.

PHOTO: These luscious silk scarves were being sold in Lugano, the Italian speaking town in Switzerland on Lake Lugano between Italy and Switzerland. Jim and I were on a tour of Italy, and we were on a shopping stopover. Many wonderful vendor tables along the streets, with beautiful goods for sale. I loved the riot of color of these scarves, but didn't buy any. Who knew I'd be obsessed now with scarves!

Ready for Chemo #2

Tomorrow it's back to St. Joseph's for my second chemo treatment. The treatments are 3 weeks apart, and therefore it will take nearly 6 months before all treatments have been given. That seems soooo slow. Some oncologists give what they refer to as "dose dense" chemo, same treatment, only every 2 weeks instead of every 3. I asked my doctor about it, and he says there is no data in the literature that shows an advantage to using dose dense, and it's harder on the body. I can understand that. I trust him - he's a really good doctor, so I'll just have to be patient.

Another day of crafting today. We puzzled over our Dremel rotary tool and Work Station for quite a while before we came to the realization that the reason they didn't fit together was that the Work Station required a different model of Dremel tool - the "MultiPro" Dremel. The one I got was the model just below that. Well, phooey, we found we don't really need the Work Station after all, so that will go back to the store and we'll just use a vice. Also, we'll need smaller bits than the 1/8" that came with the set. Sigh ... Anyway, we're getting bored with pawing through the same materials we have on hand. We want some different stuff. Bring on the polymer clay, pasta machine, and toaster oven!

PHOTO: This is a photo I took during a 4th of July celebration in 2004. I took a number of photos of the fireworks going off, and this one was my favorite. There seems to be a 3-dimensional quality to it. I'm enjoying going back over my photo library to chose a daily photo, but it's really hard to chose just one!

Toolin' Around

This was a good day. I managed to accomplish quite a bit, and no napping, although I was kind of pooped at the end of the day. One thing I did today was to buy my first ever, for myself that is, tool! Two tools, actually. I bought a Dremel High Speed Rotary Tool, with a Dremel Work Station. If you don't know what a Dremel is, neither did I, but it's a hand-held tool that can be used for drilling holes, sanding, polishing, carving, that sort of thing. The Work Station is a support that holds the Dremel tool in place, like a mini-drill press. My friends Cathy and Sharon and I have wanted one for the polymer clay crafting projects and jewelry we are making. We want a Dremel to drill holes. Having never seen one before, I was totally overwhelmed with all the Dremels and parts available, for all kinds of purposes. Not much help from the sales staff, who vaguely waved in the direction of where they were supposed to be, but I had to pour over all the different kinds myself and make my own decision. When I returned home and showed Jim what I bought, I got a thumbs up response. Jim's never met a tool he didn't love - he's a tool man through and through, and the fact that I went tool shopping on my own has endeared me to him in a whole new way. He's thrilled.

PHOTO: Jim and I went to Italy last fall. We came across this noble cat near the Munthe Villa on the Isle of Capri. I really liked the way the photo turned out and decided to see what he would look like in sepia. I think the photo has a certain "Old World" feel to it that looks more like a painting than a photo.

Courage!

Today was our monthly Book Club luncheon, hosted by Pat. Always a wonderful get-together with the six of us, and we DO try to remember to talk about the book, at least for 5 minutes. The rest of the afternoon is devoted to sharing what's going on with our lives, our families, our other friends, our plans, and the world in general. We all go to great lengths to make sure nobody misses out, switching the date when necessary to accommodate unavoidable conflicts. The weather was lovely, and we ate outside on Pat's deck. Started out with wine and appetizers, then grilled hamburgers, strawberry/greens salad with poppy seed dressing, deviled eggs, and strawberry shortcake, topped off with good strong coffee. Delicious!

I was so touched today when Pat, a breast cancer survivor herself, gave me one of her turbons that she used to wear when she lost her hair, and a special gift of a Willow Tree Angel called "Courage." I just love it. She's sitting on my display shelf above the TV cabinet, her arms outstretched in triumph. Such great symbolism and inspiration. Pat was given one when she was undergoing her cancer treatment, and still displays hers in her house. That was a very moving gesture to me, and brought tears to my eyes. My angel will be my motivation in the times ahead - when I find myself losing my resolve. Courage!

PHOTO: This statue is on the grounds of the Bascilica of St. Francis of Assisi, Italy. I found it a very powerful and moving expression of the weariness of the rider and the horse -a knight having survived a battle, perhaps? I don't know, but the image against the storm-brewing sky was very compelling to me, as I took the photo.

Yawn ...

I have been so tired today. Think I may have overdone it yesterday. My energy level just isn't what I'm used to having, so I tire easily. I went to take a nap today, and it ended up being nearly 3 hours. Yikes! That kind of uses up a major part of the day. And I'm tired now, just reading a book. Well, I'll write my blog, then get back to the book and hope I can finish it before Book Club tomorrow.

PHOTO: This may look like the woods is on fire, but it's actually a near sunset picture facing west from our yard. The sky was an amazing color that kept shifting as it got closer and closer to sundown. I captured several shots, but this one is my favorite. I love sunsets and take many photos of them. I'm not a morning person, so I don't catch many dawns, but do try to catch the sunsets.

Girlie Girls' Play Date

Girls Day Out again. Bargain hunting is one of our favorite pastimes, and we didn't disappoint ourselves. Had a great time, a great lunch, and came home with lots of treasures. Found a great straw hat for $1.00, and 2 beautiful silk scarves for $1.00 each. Those are of course going to come in handy as head covers, and I loved the prices. Lots of other stuff, but I won't bore you with the details. Sufice it to say I got a lot of stuff for a little money, and many things we can use in our crafting projects. I'm excited!

PHOTO: This young fawn drinking from our backyard waterfall has been coming to our yard since last November. She is beautiful, and now is bigger, although she's still smaller than the other deer. Originally we saw her with her mother and another fawn, but a couple of days after that a deer was hit at the side of a nearby road, and we thought it might be the fawn's mother. Didn't see the other fawn again, but Penelope, as we have named her, would come every day for something to eat. Throughout the fall, winter, and spring, Jim has been putting grain and corn out for the deer, and Penelope comes every day, sometimes for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. Other deer come as well - one day there were a total of 21, but usually there are between 3 and 5 who come to feed. Now they that the foliage is out in full, they are eating the low hanging leaves, but so far, the flowers have been spared. Jim's idea was if he fed them, they would leave our plants alone. We'll see!

A Chemo Milestone

This was the 15th day since my chemo treatment, and I needed help to get rid of the last of my hair. Most of it had come out on its own, but I really needed to have the remainder cut off and then have my head shaved. My scalp has been very sore and tender in the process of losing my hair, and I was scaring myself looking in the mirror. Not a lot of people I can think of that I would ask to do this, in fact I can only think of one, and that was my husband Jim. Last night I asked him if he would help me out today with shaving off my hair, and he was most gracious in saying he would. We got ourselves set up this morning, and it turned out to be quite a lot of work. First he cut off the hair as close to my head as he could without risking cutting off an ear or so, and then wet my head, lathered me up, and began using a disposable razor on it. Three razors later, I was more or less clean shaven except for a little stubble. The whole process took about an hour or so.

I have to say, I'm not a pretty sight. I've often wondered what shape my head is, and now I know. Kinda small, a little lumpy, and a nasty grayish-whitish-bluish color. A cross between Daddy Warbucks and Mr. Magoo. My poor little scalp has never seen the light of day before, so it's understandable that it would be ghoulish.

Jim did a great job for me. What a guy! He even serenaded me with a few bars of "You Are So Beautiful To Me." Now that made me laugh! Later he went out and got a set of hair clippers to finish it off, with the added bonus of having them for haircuts for Jim.

PHOTO: About a year ago we went on a balloon ride out of York, Pennsylvania. The flight was a birthday gift to Jim (and me) from the kids. This is one of the photos I took as we floated gently over the beautiful Pennsylvania farmlands. It was an unforgetable event in our lives, a beautiful day, and a perfect flight.

Introducing Photos to my Blog

What a fun day. Got together with friends Cathy and Sharon for our jewelry crafting. We're creating some awesome designer jewelry - pins and necklaces out of various found materials and broken jewelry pieces. We started with domino art embellished with alcohol paints, rubber stampings, beads, and charms. Our creations are gorgeous, but the best part is the therapy, the entertainment, and the laughs.

Afterwards we went out for a Chinese dinner that was absolutely delicious. Sharon and hubby couldn't join us, but Cathy, Greg, Jim and I had a great meal together. I was exhausted by the time we finally headed on home. Most of the chemo effects seem to have subsided, but I do tire easily, and this was a long day - I even got in a mile walk before crafting, so I ended up wearing myself out.

I've decided to include a photo with each of my blog entries. This blog started as a way to work my way through my cancer diagnosis through writing down what's happening, and I'm glad I've been doing that, and I intend to continue with it. Also, it keeps my family and friends abreast of what's going on with me. But I also have a life going on that has to do with a lot more than just that I have cancer, so I thought I might express that through snapshots from my photo library. I love photography, it's another of my hobbies. This first one was taken by Jim for my Red Hat Chapter "Calendar Girl" shoot. We had a great time with our cheesecake poses. I was the month of May 2006, therefore the flowers. We had a great time putting the calendar together, and it looked very professionally done when Sharon finished editing it. Now that I'm looking - ahem - a little worse for wear to say the least, it does me good to look back at a time when I was all dolled up and had nice hair!

Traveling Incognito

Today is the day that Merry Maids came to clean my house. It was a free service offered through St. Joseph's Hospital's "Red Devils" volunteer group. They provide services to patients undergoing chemo, such as meal preparation, child care, transportation, and house cleaning services. I opted for the house cleaning. It was 2 young girls who were to be here for an hour, although they stayed about an hour and 20 minutes, working their little fingers to the bone. They had just graduated from high school. I asked that they wash the kitchen floor and clean the master bath, thinking that would be about an hour's worth of work. Not only was the kitchen floor washed, on hands and knees no less, but inside the microwave, the stove top, all the counters, table, cabinets wiped down and lavatory cleaned. Upstairs, the master bath was also thoroughly cleaned, even the huge soaking tub. I told them they were working overtime, and they didn't need to continue, but they were determined to finish what they started. Such nice girls! They brought all their own supplies with them, and the house smelled nice and clean when they left. It was such a nice treat. And I got hugs when they left!

Well, there's no denying my hair is coming out - in HUGE handfuls. I've filled the entire wastebasket with my shedding. And boy is my head tender - it really hurts. I'm combing it and trying to just get it all because it's constantly raining down on me and getting into my mouth. I needed to cover my head to avoid all this falling hair, and decided to put on one of my wigs, since I needed to run some errands. I went out to a couple of stores, then went grocery shopping with the wig squirming on my head. It wouldn't stay put! HATED it!! I could NOT make eye contact with people wearing that thing. Felt like I had a neon sign flashing "WIG WIG WIG." The color is the same as my own, but the style isn't like I wear my hair, and it just felt horrible. I'd rather just wear a scarf than that one again. I'll take it back to the American Cancer Society so that they can see if another person can use it. I had it styled in a casual short style, but it just won't work for me.

Came home after shopping and set myself to learning to tie scarves into head coverings. That wasn't easy! I pulled up some instructions on the web and bookmarked them. I was terrible at it until I figured out one vital step I was leaving out that basically held the whole thing together. Then I was able at least to make it stay on. It feels comfortable - a lot more so than that scratchy old wig. I hope I feel better about the other two wigs I have, but now I'm leary. I have to admit, the scarf effect is a little Middle-Eastern exotic. I can just see myself walking through a crowded marketplace in Jerusalem, my long skirts skimming the dusty alleyways, my modestly-fringed head scarf tied in a fat braid down my back, swaying gently with the rhythm of my hips...

Oh please, will I ever get my boring old life back again? I'm hallucinating here!

Bursting the Bubble

Went to the oncologist's office today and had some good news. My white blood cell count had risen from a dangerous 1.1 K/ul on Thursday to 10.4 K/ul today. The range should be 4.8-10.8, so I'm full of immune system bacteria and infection fighters. Yay! No more Bubble Girl. Apparently, the Neulasta shot I got a week ago Friday did what it was supposed to do - it just took it's lazy old time. I asked if that would be the pattern, and the doctor doesn't know. Everyone is different. I do hope I won't be losing a week out of every three.

After my consult with the doctor, my nurse Cathy took the access needle out of my port, put a piece of gauze over it and told me to keep my finger on it for a minute and she'd be back to tape it. Well, it was really busy there, and I continued to sit in the chair for about 10 minutes, finger dutifully holding the gauze. Dr. Silva walked back and forth a couple of times doing things, and finally came in and asked if they had forgotten about me. I told them I just needed a band-aid, and he went around search through drawers, then asked somebody if they had band-aids. They pointed him in the right direction, he came in with one, took it out of the paper, and applied it. I said something about getting such special treatment, and he told me not to let it get out, or all the patients are going to want him to tape them up. He's such a nice guy.

We left, went shopping, and when we arrived home the phone range, and it was Cathy calling to apologize for forgetting about me with my finger on the gauze. I assured her it was no big deal, and Dr. Silva had bandaged me up. She felt so bad that she had forgotten me, but I told her I could see how busy they were, and don't worry about a thing. I just thought it was so sweet for her to call. They are a very caring, patient-oriented team, and work very efficiently together. I don't mind having been overlooked.

Now that I can leave my house again, I can't think of what to do first. To say nothing about my poor Tonkinese kitties, who keep wondering why I haven't touched them and wouldn't let them up on my lap. They go outside, and I was told not to pet any dogs or cats who do, because of the chance for picking up a bug or infection from them. Ming Poo is our only house cat, and she alone has been getting treated to petting and lap sitting. The others must have been feeling like poor little step-children. I'll make it up to them now - climb aboard!

There Goes my Nice Coloring ...

Well, it's started already. I'm shedding. Long blond strands of hair coming out 2 or 3 or a half dozen at a time. I ended up with a handful. I kind of thought it was about to start falling out because my scalp has been feeling a little tender. I'm prepared for it, expected it, but it did make me a little bit sad. Jim says it's all part of The Adventure! Well... sigh, I suppose so. On the plus side, it means the chemo is working. In solidarity, he's offered to shave his own head, as well as all four of the cats, but I threatened terrible retaliation if he does that. I can wear a wig, but I'm the one who would have to look at his pointy little bald head, and I don't think it would be a pretty sight. Let's not go there.

As to the cats, we're DEFINITELY not going there!

I have received a number of nice cards from friends and family. I want to keep them of course, and had put them in a drawer, but today I got the great idea to tape them up in my Studio! They look terrific, and I am reminded of all the good thoughts and good wishes whenever I look at them.

My Studio

I should have had a quiet day today, but I didn't really, so my energy level must be up. I'm hoping the white blood cells are increasing. Only two days left until I can go in and have them checked, but I feel pretty good and not so tired.

I got a bug to organize my "sewing room", which has been the repository for everything and anything lately, so that I couldn't work in there if my life depended upon it. I had the idea to remove a love seat that has been taking up valuable real estate in there for way too long, and never gets sat on. Jim moved it, with a little help from me, and my project began. About 8 hours later, and I now have an organized "Studio" where I can work on crafting projects or watercolor painting, even do a little sewing or knitting if the mood strikes. There is a TV in there, as well as a CD player for my library audio books. Book shelves on one side and tall cabinets along the other wall. There is a very comfortable glider with a foot rest that is perfect for reading, and great task lighting over my craft table. It does my heart good to have everything neat, tidy, and clean - and pretty! I need a diversion and I think having a place to let my creative juices flow is going to do me a lot of good.

Can't wait to begin.

Tackling the Paperwork

Another day in Bubbleville. However, I did get a short ride to Cathy's house in the truck with Jim. Had to deliver a CD for her, and took advantage of the opportunity to just get out of the house for a minute. Once there, stayed in the truck and talked through the window. It felt very naughty to be violating a rule, like being back in high school and sneaking out of the house. All was well, didn't catch any bugs, I hope anyway, and it lifted my spirits.

Spent time organizing my medical bill paperwork before it gets ahead of me. Holy cow. What a jungle. I've made a point of paying every bill as soon as it came into the house, and now I see I've paid a couple of them twice, simply because it hadn't all caught up yet. I'll have to make calls to get it straightened out. Not a lot involved, totalling about $50, but every penny counts. I've matched all the bills to the insurance statements, but I may have to go back to school for a master's degree in accounting to comprehend all their codes. You'd think they would refer to the same invoice numbers when paying the bills, but that's not the case. And to further confuse matching things up, all of the service dates are jumbled together, not in chronological order. Also, there a bill in there for $.01, yes a penny. Doesn't say what it's for, but it's there, and the insurance company denied payment for service. That made me laugh.

Well, that exercise in paperwork taught me that I need to take the bull by the horns and scrutinize every bill and insurance statement that comes into the house, and definitely don't let it fall behind. I have a stack an inch high already, and it's only been since early April. Good thing I'm detail oriented and good with numbers. I'll be seeing a lot of them!

Good Things Happening in Bubble City

This "Bubble Time" is draining. Didn't even open the door today, just behaved myself inside. Did a lot of reading, talking on the phone, internet stuff, and napping - twice. I think the antibiotic I'm taking is wiping me out. It's playing havoc with my kidneys - causing them to ache. That's going away, so I think it's ok, and I've been doing the only thing you can do - drinking a lot of water.

Got a call today from St. Joseph's Hospital, the Cancer Navigator. She called to set up services if I would like any of them, from transportation, to child care (no need), to meal preparation, to housecleaning services. I opted for the housecleaning services. They said they will set it up with Merry Maids to come for 2 visits, and see if it works for me, at which time I can decide if I'd like any more visits. This is through a grant to the "Red Devils" an organization for people who are undergoing chemotherapy. The name comes from the drug Adreamycin, which is red and harsh. What a thoughtful and very welcome service to offer people. I'm very touched. It's all been set up, and the Merry Maids are arriving on Wednesday, two women who will clean for an hour.

Another positive thing that took place today was the total reimbursement of our airplane fare for our cancelled trip to St. Martin's. The cost had been just under $1,300 for the two of us. All we need to do is to get my doctor's letter explaining the circumstances, which they are happy to provide.

Jim has been wonderful, making meals for us, running errands, and taking care of his own chores. It was about 90° outside today, but once the temperature dropped to 85° he went out and mowed the whole lawn. What a guy.