Bountiful Summer Gardens

A better day today - I'm almost completely over the nausea. Didn't push it though - I spent the day inside reading, doing some things around the house, and doing some crafting. Very relaxing. Spoke on the phone to a couple of family members. We will have a visit next week from Jim's brother and sister-in-law for a few days. We're very happy that they're coming. They live in Massachusetts and we've visited them several times at their Cape Cod vacation home, but we cancelled our plans to do that this year after my diagnosis. I'm glad that they are making the trip to see us instead.

A neighbor brought us a whole bag of homegrown tomatoes today. They are delicious. We didn't plant a garden this year. We have every year until now, and we get wonderful tomatoes in the full sun garden spot next to the garage. Anyway, this is the second offering of tomatoes we've had recently. Sharon also gave us a bag last week. With all this generosity when the tomato crop comes in, I don't feel so bad about not having our own garden!

PHOTO: Obviously, our family of Tonkinese cats. The kitty in the middle is Ping, who died almost 3 years ago. Ming Poo is the same coloring as Ping, a natural mink. She's in upper left, in the clock, and the Ninja Kitty bottom far right. Pong is the blue solid, upper left, second one in. Paddle is the platinum solid, the lightest kitty. Ball is the platinum mink, the far right, third one down. We have 4 cats - a lot, we know. But that's all the pets we own. Honest. If you click on the picture, it will enlarge.

Hobbies

This was a busy day for me, with Curves, the library, and yoga tonight. I've been battling nausea most of the day, which hasn't subsided even with taking an anti-nausea pill. What's up with that? It's been 4 days since my chemo treatment, and I thought I'd be in fairly good shape by now, but such is not the case. Oh, well ...

I've been "beading" again tonight, making a wire crocheted beaded necklace. I'm getting the rhythm down better lately, so the necklaces go faster. Cathy was in a local artists store over the weekend and saw necklaces like we are making, with glass beads, the same clasps, and three strands like ours, no nicer than ours, selling for $110 per necklace! I'd never pay that much for a necklace like that! We are selling ours now for $15.00 per necklace, which I think is a fair price. Perhaps at a craft fair they might sell for $20.00, but I can't imagine anyone paying more than that. Maybe because I know how to do it and know what goes into making them. I need to start making some coordinating earrings, perhaps bracelets. This is a good hobby for me. Nearly instant gratification, since a necklace takes an hour or so, depending on the size of the beads. I get bored with projects that take forever. However, I am anxious to get into working with polymer clay again. I'm planning to make some Chemo Warrior dolls to take to my chemo appointments to sell. When I went to my last chemo appointment I brought in my own Breast Cancer Warrior.(Click to see picture.) All of the nurses and patients seemed quite taken with it, so I may try making some more. But mine is not for sale!

PHOTO: A winter scene from our front yard. Nice to think about on hot summer days.

Backyard Visitors

We had two little fawns visiting here today - twice! Their mothers were also here, eating from the deer feeder. The fawns kept butting their moms for a drink, but the moms weren't cooperating. Then the second time we saw them, the little ones were busily pruning an azalea bush with great gusto. They really seemed to like it. And of course they're so darned cute that they are easily forgiven. The bush looks ok for now, but if they come back very often, who knows if it will survive. Our peach tree out in the front was planted on Mother's Day 2006. It has a few clumps of leaves on the topmost branches, but that's it. The deer pruned that one as well.

I'm still not in great shape with my chemo after effects. I was feeling pretty blah and nauseus today, and after being up for a few hours, decided to go back to bed and see if that helped. It did. My nausea pill didn't do me any good. I slept for a while. Had company from Ming Poo, Paddle and Ball, who all love a napping partner. Still not back to myself, but I ate dinner tonight, and I'm feeling somewhat better now.

After I got up this afternoon I did manage a few of my domestic goddess chores - vacuuming, laundry, dishes. Spent a little time outside admiring the flowers and plants. We had a thunderstorm last night and again today, so our plants are very happy now. I had already watered them yesterday afternoon, and shortly thereafter it poured. We've really needed this rain badly. Now it's cooler but very humid outside. Jim went out to a driving range this afternoon and hit some golf balls. Came home pretty soaked from the heat and humidity. He finds that aspect of summer here in Maryland very unpleasant. I don't care for the humidity either, but it really bothers him.

PHOTO: When we were in Dublin we went to a performance and dinner at the Jury Dinner Theater. This is a photo of Irish Dancing I took with my old Sony Maxima camera, so I was surprised I was able to capture the moment, mid spin.

Saturday

After saying how well I was doing afer my last chemo on Thursday, today I'm feeling yucky. Queasy stomach, nothing suits me, and I'm just going to stick to iced tea for now. Oh well, it is chemo, so what do I expect?

Had a wonderful time with my friends today, regardless. That keeps me going, getting out with them, spending quality time together, and laughing a lot. Tomorrow I'll stay home and get some things done, play domestic goddess, try my hand at a new recipe, get caught up on the laundry. But Saturdays are for playing.

PHOTO: I love this whimsical planter made from a broken down wheel barrow. This was taken on a very old sheep farm in Ireland.

Friday

A good day again today. I don't know if my body is getting used to the chemo, but I wasn't tired today, and felt pretty darned good. Went in to St. Joseph's this morning for my follow up Neulasta shot. My appetite is back in full force, which isn't necessarily a good thing. I'm trying to lose weight - and keep off what I've already lost - but I've been eating a little more in the past few days than I have been lately. That will have to stop. Hopefully, once I get going to Curves three days a week, plus yoga, I will burn off some calories. Or at least boost my metabolism. I wonder if the Neulasta shot boosts my appetite...

Worked all evening on paperwork. I'm holding off on paying the latest medical bills I've been receiving since I was told by the customer service guy at my insurance company that I had reached my maximum out of pocket. Well, they haven't sent me the audit yet, so I can't prove it to the various agencies who have sent recent bills. I'll wait another week or so then find out what the holdup is. Whatever overage I have paid will get reimbursed, but that may take a while, and I'd prefer not to put out the money upfont and have to wait to get it back.

Created another crocheted wire/bead necklace tonight. I'm getting a little better at it now, not so tight. This one stayed a necklace instead of turning into a choker.

Looking forward to getting together tomorrow with 3 friends for some yard sailing and lunch. We have such a good time together. Hope the weather holds for us until we're finished. Some predictions of rain.

PHOTO: Trying my hand at some macro photography. I like ladybugs, and we sure do get a lot of them here.

Back Again for Chemo

Today's chemotherapy treatment #4 marked the half-way point through my chemo scheduling. No more Adriamycin/Cytoxan, I'm finished with that, although I barely squeaked through with my blood counts. White cell counts have to be at 3.0 k/ul minimum, and that's what mine was. If it was 2.9 k/ul, with the granulocytes also considered, I might not have been able to take the treatment. Next, in 3 weeks, comes the Taxol/Herceptin on a weekly dosage for 12 weeks. The Taxol is still chemo, but the Herceptin is a monoclonal antibody therapy that targets cancer cells. Jim says it seems that the time has gone by very quickly. I suppose that is true in a way, but not so fast for me, understandably so.

I'm not feeling too great right now. I have a headache and general blah feeling. I suppose I should take something, but after all the stuff that's circulating in my system right now, I hesitate to add to the brew. I ate lunch and dinner without any feeling of nausea. I took a good nap this afternoon for a couple of hours, and I will probably go to bed earlier than usual. We will return tomorrow morning for my Neulasta shot.

There was a woman in the infusion room who was talking on her cell phone to various people, and told them that her doctor found that the chemo treatment she had been receiving for the past 4 months wasn't working, and she is starting a different kind of chemo next week, every day, all day long. This new treatment is called RICE (stands for 4 chemo drugs) and is given when an initial chemotherapy has failed. I don't know for how long, but at least all next week. I don't know what she was receiving today, but she was already there when I came in, and was still there when I left, 4 hours later. She also said her doctor advised her to have a conversation at Johns Hopkins with a certain doctor regarding having a bone marrow transplant. Not now, but perhaps if this next regimen doesn't work. She seemed remarkably pragmatic about her situation, and is obviously continuing on with her life - her job, a night class - and I admire her pluck. I don't know what type of cancer she has, but she said that the cocktail she had been given is usually successful for other people with her cancer, but it just didn't work for her. She in no way laid any blame, she simply accepted that every person is different and the normal treatment wasn't good in her case. All this was conveyed in the cell phone conversations, she wasn't talking to any of us in the room with her. I really hope whatever the next course of action is will do the trick. She has a lot of courage and I think she deserves a break. I don't know if I would be as undaunted if I were in her place. The best of luck to her!

PHOTO: This very unusual barn is in the Deep Creek, Maryland area. We saw it the day before I took this picture, but the weather wasn't good for photos, so we drove back the next day so I could get the shot. The weather was perfect!

I Think I Need Some Exercise

There is a Curves franchise a mile from our house. I was a member there until about a year ago, when I decided that I didn't need it any more. I was also a member of Merritt Athletic Club, and I wasn't using Curves much, so I dropped my Curves memberhsip. Today I noticed that they are now under new management, and made a decision to rejoin. I can't use the Merritt pool now and I need more exercise. I walked inside, met the pleasant new owner, and signed up for a year. I think this will work out well.

I spoke to my primary care doctor last week about my cholesterol test results, and the overall number is WAY down, thanks to Zocor. The triglycerides are good, HDL is good, but the LDL is not good. As the doctor said, the LDL can only be improved with exercise. I haven't been getting much at all lately since I no longer go to the pool. (My oncologist's office said I shouldn't use a public pool while on chemo.) I promised him I'd start getting more exercise, ergo rejoining Curves. I'll start my 3 day a week program on Monday. Besides, I need to assume some of the responsibility of my cancer fight, and I'm the only one who can do this part. The drugs, surgeries and radiation are to eliminate it now, but exercise may help to avoid a recurrence in the future. Or so I've heard.

Jim and I also started doing yoga today with Sharon. She has been taking yoga classes for many years from her excellent instructor, Jean. Unfortunately, Jean had a recurrence of breast cancer last year after about 12 years or so, and now she isn't doing well at all. She hasn't been able to give yoga classes for quite some time. For the past couple of months Sharon has been doing her own weekly yoga class at home with her neighbor, and she invited Jim and me to join them. We had an hour's class of basic stretching and poses, and it was really a workout. Sharon is a very good instructor. I'm sure we will be feeling it tomorrow, but I enjoyed it. I used to accompany Sharon to classes with Jean for about 3 months, but I never got to the point where I felt I could do it right, and stopped going. This smaller group may be a better format for me.

I liked the fact that Jim wanted to try yoga. Something new to do together.

PHOTO: This is a photo from a Battle of Gettysburg reenactment we attended in 2003. It was an amazing event with 15 thousand of reenactors and hundreds of horses. We sat in bleachers and watched as the battle unfolded in front of us. This was the 145th anniversary of the battle, thus the extremely large number of participants. Apparently they do it every year.

Making Summer Memories

We had friends over tonight for a cookout, and it was a really nice get together. I wanted an opportunity to put together a barbecue before I went in for my next chemo appointment on Thursday, so we chose tonight, even though it's an ordinary Tuesday. Jim is always a lot of help when we have company. He worked outside this afternoon cleaning off the patio and getting it ready, hauling the table and some chairs from the basement, and in general setting things up. I also had a great deal of help in putting together the meal, since my friends brought several of the dishes - a colorful tropical fruit salad, Russian cream and cookies for dipping from Cathy and Greg, and yummy homemade baked beans, fresh sweet corn, and a blueberry kringle from Sharon and Nolan. We provided the barbecued ribs, slaw and potato salad. What a feast, and wonderful company.

Although the weather looked a little threatening at several points during the afternoon, it turned out to be very pleasant tonight for eating outside. Only after we had finished eating did the rain begin. Just a little - it would have been better if we'd had a lot more rain, but we'll take all we can get. Later we were entertained watching out the windows as several deer came up to the feeder and looked in at us. No fawns this time, but some does and a buck with a pretty good rack.

Cathy's Russian Cream was sinfully delicious. We dipped strawberries in it, cookies, and even ended up eating it by the spoonful. It's sooooooo good. I wondered how many calories there were in it, but Cathy assured us that since it's white, there aren't any calories. White foods don't have calories.

All in all, another great summer day to savor.

PHOTO: This gnarly tree and the fence post in Annapolis, Maryland have been together for a long time. So long that the tree has literally grown into the fence. I think this is fascinating.

My First Necklace

I decided to post a photo of my crochet beading project. It's my first attempt, and although I'm pleased with the look of it, I think I took Sharon too literally when she said she braids three beaded strands together. I went at braiding as if I were braiding hair, tightly, and my 18" necklace has turned into a 16" choker. I should have known. If I had just loosely woven/braided the strands, it would have ended up like hers, light and airy and the beads easily visible. Mine is all crimped and knotted and the beads are all on top of each other. Not to say it doesn't have it's own artsy look, but the next one I make will definitely be looser. At least that's my intent.

Ming Poo has decided she likes to bead. She likes to get her paw in there and play with the beads that are threaded on the wire before they're crocheted. She stole a stray strand of wire that fell, and I found it all wadded up in the kitchen, being used as a hockey puck. She also loved the braiding part, and had her paws swatting at the strands as they swayed. Maybe I can blame the tight braiding on her!

Jim says the photo looks like an electrician's nightmare. I think he's right!

Generating 25-Hour Days

Another good day! I accomplished so much and it felt really good. I've gained a lot more time in my days by cutting WAY back on reading the newspaper. I only read a few things and am done with it in about 10 minutes. I get so much news from headlines and articles on the web, as well as the evening news that I just decided I didn't need more than that. Another way I've gained time is pretty much eliminating TV from my life, other than watching the news and political commentary in the evening. If the TV is on - Jim likes watching a lot of golf - that's just background. No more network TV shows for me. I don't even know what's on any more. I sometimes have the TV on upstairs when I'm in my studio, but once again it's mostly background while I'm doing crafting.

I multi-task too, and that gives me extra time. For instance, while I'm bead crocheting, I've got my headphones on and I'm listening to a book on CD. Sometimes there is a load of laundry in the washer, another in the dryer, the dishwasher is going, something is cooking or baking, and I'm vacumming. The electric meter must be spinning at a dizzying rate. A lot happening and I feel a great sense of accomplishment.

Of course, all this activity is happening during the times in my chemo cycle when I'm over the fatigue thing. When I've just had a treatment and I'm tired, I crash and everything comes to a halt.

PHOTO: I love this photo. So cheerful and sunny. Sunflowers are one of my favorite flowers.

Curiosity and the Cat

I've been feeling really well these past few days. I look forward to this time in the chemo cycle when I'm more like myself again, the week before chemo. Just a little fatigue, but it's not bad at all. The thing that does drive me nuts is that my eyes stream - literally. Tears pour down my cheeks, splatter on my clothing. I walk around with wads of Kleenex in my purse and pockets, constantly dabbing my eyes. It's hard to see, harder to read, and driving is blurry. I checked the breast cancer blog, and others having chemo have discussed the same problem and the same symptoms, so I'm sure it has to do with the eyes drying out and the tear ducts overcompensating. I'm also having to blow my nose a lot. Being outside with allergens only complicates the problem. I just hope this goes away once I stop the chemo.

When I came home this afternoon, Jim's truck was gone. As I entered the kitchen, I could see that a mild disaster had occurred while I was gone. There was a ladder in the kitchen, as well as the broken lens cover of the overhead fluorescent light fixture above the island. The cover is about 4 feet long, 18 inches wide, and had a huge gaping hole on one end. We had recently talked about taking the cover down to clean out the accumulation of dead bugs, a task we seem to have to do every few months. I could see that Jim had been working on it in my absence, and somehow it had fallen and broken.

When Jim arrived home a short while later, I learned the story. Apparently he was cleaning the cover in the kitchen sink while running some water in the laundry tub. He heard the water running and set the cover flat on the counter so that he could walk over and take care of turning off the water tap. Heard a crash. Our curious Tonk, Ming Poo, had jumped up on the counter to investigate what he was doing, knocked the cover to the floor, end first, and that was that. As Jim turned back into the kitchen, the guilty one was racing away, scared, with broken cover pieces all over the floor.

Well, after a trip to both Home Depot and Lowe's, Jim found that you can't replace just the cover. Of course not. We'll have to get a whole new light fixture. Sigh. Well, I confess I've thought about replacing that fixture for a long time, and I guess now is the opportunity, thanks to Ming. I'm planning to check out some more attractive overhead lighting - perhaps some hanging task lights - but for now we're stuck with 4 naked fluorescent bulbs. And Ming Poo? - you can't stay mad at her. She's way too cute and lovable.

PHOTO: This is a photo I took out the front window of our tour bus in Ireland. We were traveling down the road in a real downpour, when our bus came to a complete halt. Some poor, soaked, hapless farmer was trying to get his cows out of the middle of the road, and the cows were having none of it. It took several minutes for him to herd the cows out of the way. The passengers on our bus loved every minute of the unexpected comedy.

Volunteering

A good day today. I went in to the library to do my volunteering job. It was good to be back. I haven't been very often lately, since my diagnosis and multitude of doctors appointments and general fatigue, and it felt good to do something responsible for a change. Ordinarily I would go in two days a week, Mondays and Fridays, but I've only been a couple of times in the past month. I really enjoy working for Library Link, where I work in the "office." Library Link is an outreach program for people in local assisted living homes, nursing homes, and shut-ins. The patrons have access to all kinds of library materials - books in large print in all subjects, books on cassette and CD's, music CD's, movies on VHS tapes, magazines, old time radio broadcasts. LL is a separate, complete library, upstairs where the general public never goes. The past couple of times I've gone in I've "pulled books" for the patrons. I enjoy that, selecting books I think they would enjoy reading. I feel responsible for making sure the patrons will be pleased with their selections. There's not usually a lot to go on, which leaves the field wide open. The only notes next to the person's name are "mysteries" "romance" "magazines" "biographies" "travel" "John Wayne movies" and that sort of thing. We scan the check out cards to make sure they haven't already been sent the material before. After being pulled, there is a check-out process, and other volunteers deliver the boxes of materials to the facilities and pick up the previous ones. I think it's a wonderful program and I'm really glad to be a part of it. I've been doing this for over three years now. And I hope to be doing it for a long time to come!

Tonight I started another craft project - making a wire-crochet beaded necklace. Once you get the rhythm down, it's not too difficult, but threading those tiny beads is a real challenge to the eyes! I'm very pleased with what I made so far. Jim liked it, which was nice to hear. He seemed to be impressed!

PHOTO: Frost on a deck chair Thanksgiving morning at the condo we rented in Deep Creek, Maryland. I like the effect of the frost pattern on the blue of the chair.

Afternoon Projects

The dining room chairs and the drapes are finished in our dining room, and they look wonderful. Friends Cathy and Sharon arrived this afternoon to help me finish the chairs, which took less than an hour, since we now know what we are doing. Jim did his part by installing the drapery hardware. The whole project is finished and I'm so pleased with the results.

Sharon gave Cathy and me a lesson in making crocheted wire and bead necklaces. Sharon taught herself how to do this craft, and the results look very professional. She crochets three separate necklace chains with different beads, then braids the resulting chains together, adding fasteners at the end. I'm very impressed with her boundless talents. Cathy and I tried our hand at crocheting with wire, and were more or less successful, at least with the rudiments of it, but it will take a lot more practice to become good at it. Meanwhile, I have lots of "altered jewelry" projects and polymer clay projects to work on.

All that energy I had a couple of days ago? Gonzo. I'm really dragging now. I keep pushing myself because I just don't want to sleep my life away, but it's hard.

PHOTO: This is Paddle, one of our female Tonkinese cats. She is in one of her most comfy poses - asleep. She's Jim's favorite kitty.

Lunch at the Cafe Hon

Today I went to the Cafe Hon with all my Red Hat "Spiffy with Hattitude" Sisters. It was really nice to see everyone again - I haven't been to one of our monthly events for a few months. Everyone was so warm and welcoming - I was very touched. The nicest thing was was that the hostesses, Anne and Nancy, announced that instead of table favors for everyone, they had decided to make a $25.00 contribution for Breast Cancer Research in my honor. How wonderful!

The movie Hairspray, with lots of Baltimore roots, is premiering, and the local news channel was at the Cafe Hon to catch some of the action and shoot a story. We were in the next room, and although the TV reporter came through and agreed to a photo with our Queen Joyce, our bedazzling group didn't end up on TV tonight. Sigh ...

After our delicious lunch, we wandered around Hampden into some of the interesting shops along W. 36th Street. I didn't find anything I couldn't live without, but it was fun to look around. We headed on home, Sharon and I making a stop at our favorite consignment shop. I was delighted to learn that some more of my things had sold, and I had another $30 of credit on the books. While there, I dropped off another trunkload of things to sell. What a great feeling to get rid of things that I don't need any more, and to be paid for them! I've been thinning out things all around the house - downsizing I suppose you could say, getting rid of lots of things that aren't needed. Very liberating.

PHOTO: I love this sculpture of Neptune on the beach at Virginia Beach. It's magnificant!

Tom Sawyer and a Fence ...

Wow. That Aranesp shot I got yesterday to boost my hemoglobin really had me wired for about 24 hours. I've never taken recreational drugs, but this must be what it feels like to be on crystal meth. I haven't had this much energy for years. It was fantastic. I took advantage of the unexpected energy surge to dive into some domestic projects until 11:00, when I went to bed like a normal person, but wasn't ready to sleep. Laid there listening to soothing classical music on my iPod for a while, until I'd had enough. When I was still awake at 12:45, I started thinking about potato chips. I wasn't going to get to sleep obsessing about food, so thought what the heck, and went back downstairs. Launched into the pantry, where I finished off the bag of chips, ate some cheese, and topped it off with gourmet mixed nuts while surfing on my computer. Ugh! Yuck! I never do that! But for some reason last night, I was tormented with having something snacky and salty. I'm no good at this binge-and-purge thing because I don't do the purge part, and I'm stuck with the calorie intake. After all my careful dieting over the past couple of months, eating smaller portions, lots of salads, fruits and veggies, watching calories, losing 8 or 9 pounds, I totally blew it!

Not to worry - I'm back in control again.

Anyway, finally went back to bed at 2 and fell asleep about 3:30. Only to wake up full of vim and vigor at 7:15. The energy level persisted, and I continued whipping around the house all morning. Had friends Sharon and Cathy coming over for lunch, after which they helped me in the re-covering of the seats of our dining room chairs. Like Cathy had remarked, "Let's see, 'Come on over because we're going to re-cover chairs, and it will be a lot of fun...' Why do Tom Sawyer and a fence keep popping up in my mind?" Tee hee. But it was indeed a lot of fun! They are such great friends and the fact that they spent an entire afternoon with me making a chair cover pattern, cutting fabric, taking apart the chair bottoms, covering the chairs, stapling the new covers on, and screwing it all back together again was a real act of friendship.

We had a little bit of a learning curve to master - it turns out that the chair manufacturers weren't at all consistent with the placement of the screw holes, so that ended up being a challenge in lining things up correctly. The first one took rather a long time before we understood this, but number 2 took less than 10 minutes from start to finish. We really needed 6 hands for this project. Sharon and Cathy were on a roll and really wanted to finish all six, but I made them quit around 3:30 since it was such a hot day and it was hard work. By that time I had about used up all my Aranesp energy, and was all for completing it another time. They practically locked me out to keep up the momentum, and I know if I had said I'm taking a nap, go ahead, they would have stayed as long as it took to finish all six chairs. That's the kind of friends they are. Wonderful!

PHOTO: This is our pink dogwood tree at its peak bloom this spring. What a beauty! Maryland is full of flowering trees in the spring. It's one of the things I love about living here.

Treatment Scheduling

I found out today that I'm doing very well. We went for a blood count analysis and a check-in with my oncologist. The white blood cell count is real good today, but the red cell hemoglobin count is down. Not a problem. I got a shot of Aranesp which is supposed to boost the red cells - like Neulasta does for the white cells.

During our conversation with Dr. Silva, I learned some new things and some corrections of things I had misunderstood before. 1) The Taxol/Herceptin treatments will start 3 weeks from my last A/C treatment (which is next Thursday.) 2) At some point during that 3 week break I will have another Muga test (cardiac activity). 3) Those Taxol/Herceptin infusions will be once a week for 12 weeks. 4) No Neulasta shots. 5) After that 12 week schedule I will have a PET scan to determine how well the chemo worked. 6) Three weeks after the 12 week schedule is completed, I will have surgery. 7) Radiation therapy is for 6 1/2 weeks, daily Monday thru Friday for a total of 33 treatments. 8) The Herceptin will continue for 9 months, but only once every 3 weeks, not once a week.

If my calendar calculations are correct, I should be having surgery during Thanksgiving week and will be finished with radiation therapy by January 31st. That's of course assuming everything goes like clockwork and no problem with scheduling.

You know what they say, you should not assume. It makes an Ass of U and Me. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

PHOTO: This is The Great Dismal Swamp near Elizabeth City, NC. It was wonderful, and I love the name.

Confucius Say ...

This has been a good day. It started out with Jim making breakfast for us - bacon, scrambled eggs, toast and orange juice. It was actually a collaborative effort, and turned out quite well. Much more than I usually have in the morning, and I wasn't ready to eat again until well into the afternoon. Had some fruit salad about 4, then Jim took me out for a Chinese dinner tonight. Very good. Between us, our fortunes read (Jim's) "As of today, your luck will change completely," and (Mine) "An exciting event is imminent." Hmmm...does that mean we'll get lucky tonight? Wink, wink.

Spent the afternoon doing some shopping. It was productive in some ways, and a real time waster in others. I spent an hour making a decision about a Martha Stewart purchase at Michael's, only to find out it was the one thing that wasn't honored by their 40% off coupon. Grrrrr. Well, being the crafty person that I am, I left Martha with the cashier, went over to Joanne's and used the 40% off coupon from Michael's there for something else. Hooray! It's nice that they honor competitors' coupons.

Laid down late this afernoon to take a brief nap, and remember thinking, "It would really be nice if Jim would brush my hair." I must have been in a semi-dream state, because of course, I have no hair to brush, but it was really nice when he would do that for me. I've always loved having my hair brushed. Something to look forward to again some day in the future.

PHOTO: A wild violet early this spring on a walk through Cold Saturday Farm. I just love the vivid color. Violet, right?

Christmas in July

I'm giving serious consideration to sending out Christmas cards this month. I didn't send out cards last year - they're still sitting alongside the ones we received - and I don't know exactly what my schedule will be around the holidays. I can send out cards this month to take care of 2006 and 2007 at the same time, and rid myself of the 2006 guilt.

For one thing, people will really take the time to read them, instead of having them lost in the middle of a pile of others. For another, after the 4th of July, what's really going on at this time of year? Lots of vacations and white sales. It's hot outside, and seeing pictures of snowmen will cool people off. It's novel - I don't think anybody else has thought of it, and I could begin a trend. Also, I can check this holiday chore off my list and feel good about sending cards, instead of guilty that I've received yet another card from a friend and haven't sent out my own. I'll write our Christmas letter now and enclose it with the card. I may even bake some Christmas cookies and send them off to a few lucky recipients. I know I have a lot more time on my hands right now that I may have later, and I will probably be pretty tired and cranky around Christmas recovering from surgery and undergoing radiation.

Yes, I definitely think I should follow through with this idea.

PHOTO: This is a nice Christmas-y fire, don't you think? Taken at O'Lourdan's, one of our favorite local Irish restaurants.

BRCA Test Results In

I had an email from my doctor tonight. Very brief, just "BRCA testing was negative.Congratulations!" I'm left here wondering what this means. It means that for the two gene mutations tested for, I'm negative. However, out of 4 women in my family, all four of us got breast cancer, so it may very well be that there are other breast cancer causing genes involved, for which there are no present tests, that I may be positive for. Sigh ...

Negative results in my case don't mean much. No, that's not correct. What I should say is that I don't know what my negative results mean. I'm not very happy about the brevity of his email. This test may have defined a path for him in my treatment, but I don't know what that path is, and it would have been better if he had called me to give more insight or at least explain in a few more sentences how this impacts my treatment. I know that he wanted to know my BRCA status before considering surgical options.

It may mean a single mastectomy instead of a double mastectomy. Probably that will be the case. At this point, I don't really know if it makes much difference. I will need surgery on both breasts regardless to create symmetry. I'm just not very happy right now trying to make sense out of things that are way beyond my level of knowledge or understanding. It reminds me of my sister Deb telling me she felt as though in the span of a few weeks she had to get a PhD in Breast Cancer to keep up with all that was thrown at her.

I understand what you meant, Deb. I miss you so much, and I wish you were here so I wouldn't have to go through all this without you.

PHOTO: Ok, not my photo, but one found on the web. It suits my mood tonight.

Sleuths on the Loose

Another fun outing with girlfriends today. We started off with lunch in Sykesville, then went "antiquing" in the shops along Main Street. We actually had a quest in mind - two really - finding oyster forks at no more than $1.00 apiece (the going rate being more like $78.00) for a craft project, and searching out a particular antique dealer who knows a lot about paintings. We were hoping that he might recognize the signature on a painting I found yard sailing. It was grimy with decades of dirt from someone's attic, but I loved it immediately. I only paid $3.00 for it, but I'm sure it has greater monetary value. The painting is very old, European looking, and very lovely. It's like an old German village, with beautiful coloring. The mat has colored with age, and the glass was cracked in the corner. The back of the painting is sealed with brown paper, and I don't want to take it apart to replace the mat or glass. It all adds to the charm. I cleaned the glass and the frame and now it sparkles and looks great in our foyer.

Anyway, another reason I think there is some value in the painting is that it had a sticker with a lot number from a local auction house stuck to the front of it. Even the sticker looks ancient. I love a mystery, so I Googled the auction house, and found it's in Timmonium, a nearby city. The painting was probably part of an estate sale from some wealthy spinster who had no one in her will but her cats. But I digress. I wrote an email to the auction house giving them the lot number of the sticker, along with several photos of the painting and a blowup of the signature to see if I could pique someone's interest. My question was whether they knew who the artist was or recognized the artist's signature. Honestly, I don't get how someone can put their heart and soul into producing beautiful artwork, then literally scribble their name so that no one knows who to credit with the resulting masterpiece.

Well, it's been two weeks since I emailed the auction house, and no one has replied. They probably thought I was spamming them. I took the painting with me to ask the fellow in the antique shop if he has a clue about it, but he wasn't in today. I'll try again on Saturday.

Meanwhile, my friend was wandering through the store and found the EXACT TWO antique tables she had sold to the dealer years ago STILL SITTING THERE. The tag says they are $200 apiece. Would you believe they only paid her $4.00 each for the tables? Serves them right that those tables have been taking up valuable real estate in the store all these years. Genuine antiques, and they gave her such a pittance for them. That's not good business, that's greed. Humph!

PHOTO: I decided to upload the picture of my painting so you'd be able to relate to what I'm talking about. If you click on the photo, you will get an enlarged copy and you can see the illegible signature on the bottom right. The photo doesn't do it justice, because the frame isn't in the photo and it's slightly distorted, but you get the idea. Isn't it wonderful?

Maxed Out!

Hoo hah! I've reached another milestone of sort. After puzzling over my medical Explanation of Benefits pages from my insurance company, I called and talked to a real human. He added up all the patient portion of the bills and the office visit co-pays I've paid, and discovered that I have more than met my maximum Out-of-Pocket expenses for the year 2007, which is $2,000. He was also puzzled by the latest entries on his computer screen, so ordered a full audit of my account. They will do a whole spreadsheet of every claim and will send the resulting audit to me, along with a check for whatever I've paid over $2,000. Hooray!

That means that for the rest of the year, I won't have to pay for anything else, except prescription co-pays, which is a different benefit than my medical benefit. No more $20 office visit co-pays. No more mysterious convoluted calculations of other patient service responsibilities. I can leave my credit card at home from now on.

Yeah, like that's going to happen. Wink, wink!

PHOTO: Three of my best friends, Betty, Pat, and Mary, wearing Groucho disguises at a Red Hat picnic last summer. They are also members of the book club I belong to, The Bookies. Really fun women!

Rain Happy Dancin'

Lots of "ear-gershplittin' loudenboomers" today, along with a most welcome soaking rain for about a half hour or more. Pong was outside somewhere, and we tried to find him, but he has some secret hiding place to go when it rains. He finally came home after it was all over, totally unconcerned and wasn't even wet. I'm so glad we got the rain. We've really needed it badly, and of course the heat has been 90° and above all week. What's really amazing is that the rain was so localized. A friend only a couple of miles away didn't get any rain at all. Lucky us! Jim is convinced the whole rain thing happened only because he went out this morning and watered all the plants.

Last night I was concerned that I might be coming down with a sore throat and/or a cold, which is not a good thing at all. If I get a temperature of 100.5°, I'm supposed to call the oncologist's office right away, and they would most likely have me get to the emergency room for treatment - perhaps antibiotics, I don't know. So just before I went to bed I took a dose of Airborne, the tablet that's supposed to give your immune system a big boost, and when I got up this morning I felt just fine. Whew! Since I felt really well, I took advantage of my energy level and did a number of things around the house. Hooray! That lasted a couple of hours, and then I crashed for a 3-hour nap. Groggy when I got up, but I'm feeling just fine now.

PHOTO: This is the Merritt Athletic Club's swimming pool. They have an annual Doggie Swim Day the day before the pool is drained and cleaned. For a donation of $6.00 to the Humane Society, patrons can bring their dogs to swim for the evening. I don't have a dog, but couldn't resist coming to watch and get a couple of pictures. There had to be at least 30 dogs at this event. They had a wonderful time, but they wore themselves out climbing out and jumping back in after their toys. Lots of joyful barking and playing together. No fighting or arguing, they were having too good a time.

Books and Movies

Today was our monthly Book Club at Carolyn's. I'm so lucky that all my friends are good cooks! Carolyn never fails to make us swoon over her luncheons. The whole meal was delicious, starting out with a wonderful Sangria, but the crowning glory was a trifle she made with a cranberry pound cake, peaches, oranges, triple sec, whipped cream, and I don't know what else. That's a recipe I really would love to try myself. Fantastic!

We dutifully talked about the book for the requisite 5 minutes. (That's our self-imposed minimal book discussion time.) For my part, I had decided not to read the book, "Like Trees, Walking" by Ravi Howard, because it is too intense and depressing for me right now in my "sensitive" state of mind. You know, keeping up the positive attitude thing. On the first page or so there was a lynching, and I just couldn't bear to read about it. How do you go up from there? Apparently the book is based on a true story. I knew it would only get more upsetting for me. Right now, I need a book that's more cheerful, funny, light beach reading.

I also censor the movies I watch, always have, because the scenes play over and over in my head and I lose sleep over them. That means I won't watch any war movies, or movies that have torture or animal cruelty or things like that. I'm such a wuss! I still remember how wiped out I was after seeing the 1969 movie called "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?" with Jane Fonda. It was about a dance hall marathon that took place during the Depression, and it was a very powerful movie but so depressing, and I still remember scenes from it nearly 40 years later! My choice is more like 50 First Dates, or Enchanted April, or Calendar Girls. Feel good movies. There have been Harry Potter movies on TV over the past few days, and I found myself rewatching those, at least for a while. I like them, of course. Who wouldn't? I'm so behind on my Potter books. Only read the first 4 books, and here's number 7 coming out in a few days. Yikes! And no way I'm going to be able to avoid hearing a spoiler. Sigh ...

PHOTO: This is another photo taken at the Philadelphia Flower Show. The theme of the show this year was Ireland, and the artist who designed this scene incorporated the wee people into his display. With all the crowds of people at my elbows, I just pointed the camera and barely saw what I was taking photos of - in this case a wooded scene. I didn't even realize until I looked at the picture later that there was a tiny door at the base of the stump, along with a water pump, a pail, and a rack of milk bottles at the doorway. Also, in the upper right-hand corner is a miniature chair and table. The surprise of capturing this without realizing it was such fun. (Click on photo to enlarge it.)

Red Hatter Visit

I had a visit from Sharon today. She surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of roses from the women in my Red Hat chapter. The roses are a lovely yellow with red edgings, and they are gorgeous. It was very sweet of them to think of me. Our chapter is called Spiffy with Hattitude, and we've been a chapter since August of 2003. For those who don't know what the Red Hat Society is, it's an international organization for women over 50 for fun and friendship. Each chapter is started by a Queen Mother, and ours is Joyce. Our chapter has monthly get togethers, usually a luncheon or a tea, but there have been lots of other fun events, such as the Phantom of the Opera, visits to Surreybrooke Nursery, a boat ride along the Potomac to see the cherry blossoms in bloom, bus tours to Sight and Sound in Pennsylvania, a trip to Old Alexandria in Virginia, and the publication of a fancy cheesecake calendar for 2006. Everyone wears red hats and purple outfits, with whatever feathered boas, beaded gloves, jewelry, fans, fancy pocketbooks and shoes they may have. You have no idea how beautiful a room full of Red Hat women with all their red and purple can be. This social circle is one of the treasured aspects of my life, and I'm sure our group will continue to grow in friendship over the years. It's a warm and loving group of women.

PHOTO: This is a photo of a portion of the top of the arch entry into the Philadelphia Flower Show. The span of the arch is about 50 feet, and all the flowers are fresh. It was gorgeous.

Canoodling in the Kitty Dish

Oh yuck, not feeling too great today, but it's to be expected. Not much appetite and nothing much appeals to me. A little queasy, but not too bad. That nasty mouth taste is back. And of course, I'm tired. Tired of being tired. 'Nuf said.

Today was a hot one - at least 90°, and my plants on the back patio were looking a little wilty. I went outside after dinner to give them all a well-deserved drink, and my eye was caught by the large red dog dish on the step. We don't have a dog, but the dish is for the cats' outside drinking water. Well, the dish was full of squirming, disgusting looking creatures that I immediately thought were mosquito larvae, but a second look proved that they were actually hundreds of early frog embryos. Apparently there was some frog hanky panky going on within the past day or two. The frogs must have been using that dish like a hot tub. The fertilized eggs had developed to the point that they were wriggling embryos in the jelly mass, beyond the round egg stage, to the point of being blastulas or gastrulas. I called Jim out to have a look, but he was totally unimpressed. Having worked in a Biology Undergraduate Teaching Lab for many years and supporting the Embryology class, I found it fascinating that we actually have a free range lab happening under our very noses.

I decided to pour the whole contents of the dish into our small pond to give them the best chance of making it. We do have some comets in the pond, small gold-colored fish, and it may be that some of the little buggers will end up being fish food, but the jelly coat does give the embryos some protection from predators. I've done my part. After a thorough scrubbing, the cats again have their drinking water back.

PHOTO: Don't know where I got this cartoon, but it seemed appropriate somehow today.

A Day in Bed

After going in to get my Neulasta shot this morning, we did a little grocery, came home, and I went to sleep for the rest of the day. Basically a lot of wasted time. I feel like I'm sleeping my life away, and I don't like it.

Think I'll go up and get on my treadmill and see if I can get rid of the cobwebs in my head.

PHOTO: Ming Poo got herself locked in the grandfather clock when Jim wound it one morning, He didn't notice that she had climbed inside until we heard meowing and went investigating. Definitely a Kodak moment.

Chemo #3

Back to St. Joseph's this morning for chemo treatment #3. Just one more of this cocktail to take, then on to Taxol and Herceptin. All went very smoothly, and no problems. My white cell count was good. I mentioned to the nurse that I seem to have very few side effects from the A/C treatments, which is the rougher chemo treatment than Taxol. Many people have severe side effects and suffer miserably with A/C. She said this is because of the drugs my doctor's office drips along with the A/C that takes care of these problems in advance. It makes me wonder why this isn't the treatment given to all patients receiving A/C.

I have had fatigue throughout this, but not much else. Went to bed after I came home today and slept for several hours to avoid some of that. Had a good dinner, but didn't eat a lot. Somewhat of a mild headache just now, but not enough to do anything about at the moment. I'm doing well! Then back again tomorrow morning for my Neulasta shot.

PHOTO: This beautiful painted window of the Madonna and Child is in the Vatican Museum. I'm disappointed that the photo is blurry, but I was using an older camera that day, and the pictures aren't as sharp.

Empty House

Our visitors left today to go back to Connecticut, and I'm feeling the effects of being out of our normal routine for 5 days. It was great to see them, but I found after they left, I needed a very long nap. I may be run down, I'm not sure, and tomorrow I go in for another chemo treatment. Last time I was feeling like my normal self by the time I went in for #2 treatment, and today I'm dragging before #3. Part of it is perhaps that I had some drinks with everyone, and maybe I shouldn't have. Oh well ...

It's the 4th and lots of fire crackers going off in the neighborhood. It rained pretty well this afternoon, which is a good thing. We needed it badly and hopefully it will prevent any accidental fires. I'm such a worry wart.

On the plus side, I've been organizing and getting rid of paperwork tonight. I accomplished a lot, and I'm at least current on everything. Now the filing is another story ...

PHOTO: A picture of Jim saluting the day with his morning cup of coffee. We rented a condo right on the lake in Deep Creek, Maryland over Thanksgiving. Beautiful area.

Marking Time

I thought today would be the day I'd learn my BRCA results, but turns out I'll have to wait another 3 weeks. Rats! The doctor's office said the testing company has only just learned that the insurance company will cover the test, and it will take three weeks for the results to be in. It's a rather big deal test, and I'm eager to learn where I stand.

I'm not a person who cares much for fireworks, and it's not even the 4th yet, but fireworks have been going off for a long time now in the neighborhood. I get concerned about the chance of a fire starting, someone being injured, and the animals being terrified of the noise. This is the first state I've lived in that allows the purchase of fireworks. I'd rather people would leave fireworks to the professionals, preferably over a body of water. I suppose I'm a party pooper, but they worry me.

Another thing I don't like are helium filled balloons. They're supposed to be celebratory and colorful when huge numbers are released into the sky, but I can only think of the damage they do to the leatherback turtles and other marine animals who injest them, thinking they are jellyfish or other food, and perish.

I sound like I'm feeling depressed, but that's not the case. Just wishing that we humans were better caretakers of our home planet than we are, so that the beauty I see around me everywhere I look will always be there for the generations of all living things to come.

PHOTO: A photo from last spring of a wasp in a Red Bud tree in our front yard.

Talking to the Animals

Yesterday we were thrilled to see our first mother doe and spotted fawn at the backyard feeder. Jim has been feeding the deer all year, partly because we love seeing them, but also because of the anticipation of seeing new fawns. When we first moved here we saw a doe with her two young fawns in our back yard, and that was the last time until yesterday. We see deer there every day, but no fawns. The poor little one kept trying to nurse, but the mother kept pushing the fawn aside while she munched away on her chow. I hope she hasn't rejected the fawn, because it's too young to fend for itself. The two trotted off together, so I'll think positive and hope for the best.

Today Jim, Steve, Lori, and I drove to Lineboro. We intended to shop at the store for buffalo meat, but the store was closed. There are buffalo one one side of the road that are being raised for meat, and some longhorn steer, but on the opposite side is a great petting zoo, with goats, pigs, hogs, llamas, donkeys, and a fancy chicken. It was a real delight to see them. There are several varieties of goats, all very sweet and friendly. Some are smaller varieties with tiny babies. Very cute. The animals are well tended and all seem to be very content. They were all hoping that it was dinner time and we were there to feed them, but there weren't any pellets in the dispensers. Too bad.

Afterwards we drove to Westminster, had an early dinner, came home and had a nice long nap. What a great day.

PHOTO: This is Robin, a friend whose family gave her a party to celebrate that after 4 years of hard work, at age 40, she had earned her veterinary license. A jousting tournament was set up on the property, and those who owned horses were invited to "bring your own horse" and give the guests a jousting demonstration. Robin and some of her friends compete in costume at Rennaisance fairs. Here she is at her party, dressed in Rennaisance elegance, riding sidesaddle.

Quiet Sunday

As it turned out, there was no cookout here today. Dave's family, who were going to come over, were either in the throes of, or just getting over colds, so it was cancelled. We'll try again for Tuesday. Just as well, because I might have picked up a cold virus, and that wouldn't be a good thing. Instead, Jim and Steve went to David's to visit for a couple of hours.

I took advantage of their time away to get in a long nap. Still not sleeping very well at night, so I get in a nap to compensate when I can. The rest of the day was quiet visiting with our company. It's been great to spend quality family time together.

My eyes have been streaming quite a bit lately, really a lot, and I thought I was suffering more than usual from seasonal allergies. In reading on the breast cancer blog, I find it is a chemo side effect that many experience. Another question to ask my doctor about this week when I go in for treatment #3. Other than losing my hair, tiredness, and a few other minor side effects, I've been relatively side-effect free. I read of other women having an awful time with side effects from the A/C cocktail I'm receiving, and my experience has been a cake walk in comparison. It almost makes me think the chemo may not be working in my case, but I've been warned that having or not having side effects has no relationship to the effectiveness of the chemo. I have to keep reminding myself of that and just be grateful for a "good" chemo experience...so far, anyway.

PHOTO: A simple, yet powerful memorial to the tragedy of 9/11 by the people of Stresa, Italy. I found this memorial to be extremely moving in its depiction of the twin towers and the American flag. And where is our own memorial, more than five years after the event?