Feline Humor

Tomorrow's December 1st. Only one more month left in this year, which hasn't been particularly good in our household, needless to say. I won't be sorry to see this year end, but I wonder what's in store in the next one.

Ming Poo started out this morning on the wrong side of the bathroom door. That was her thought, anyway. After sitting outside hollering, and getting no response, she proceeded to jump on the handle to open it. She's pretty good at that trick. She has managed several times to successfully open our household doors. That's because they have latch handles instead of door knobs. By launching herself and grabbing onto the handle, she uses her weight to pull down the latch and swing open the door. It's pretty impressive. She wasn't successful today and my privacy was preserved. She was sulking outside in her meatloaf position when I finally opened up.

Other times she has a game she plays when someone is in the downstairs powder room. There's a rag rug on the floor, and she sticks her little brown paw beneath the door for a game of tug of war with the rug. You push and she pulls. Sometimes the whole rug is nearly pulled through. It's pretty cute, I have to admit.

PHOTO: "It's not worth it Roy. Let's just give him our noses & let him go."

Life is Busy Again

This was a good day today. Got a lot done around the house, then went in to Westminster and dropped off a huge load to Goodwill. Jim also made some contributions to my donation pile. Stopped at Walmart and made a return I've been carrying around in my purse for 2 months. It was a jewelry-making pendant I had bought that I found had a missing piece to it. I hate it when that happens. Anyway, I finally got that taken care of, then wandered around the store for a little bit. Left there and drove to the library, where I returned some books and hauled in two huge bags of magazines for donation. Whew! I was glad to finally get rid of those.

While at the library, I picked up a couple of books and just sat down and read for a while. A book had caught my eye - The Last Days of Dead Celebrities. It had lots of people in it, and what was going on in their lives before they died. Some were Lucille Ball, John Belushi, John Lennon, Lyle Alzado, and Margot Hemingway. I don't know why I found it so fascinating, but I did. I enjoyed it.

I've been going topless lately. As in no scarf or wig. My hair has been growing in and is now about an inch long. It just looks basically like a very short hairstyle, and frankly, I don't care if people wonder about it. I'm so sick of the scarves, and wearing a wig is very uncomfortable. As long as I have earrings and makeup on, maybe people will just think it's a chic New York hairstyle. It's totally gray-white, and is growing in straight, not curly like I've heard happens with some people. On top it's growing towards the side like my hair growth pattern has always been. The sides are a little thinner than the top and back, but I don't think it looks too bad. My lashes are coming back - thank goodness, as well as the eyebrows. I bought false eye lashes, but I'm going to take them back. I never opened the package, but frankly, it seems like way too much bother, what with the adhesive and making them stick. I can just see one of them coming off like some creepy spider and falling onto my cheek. Not cool.

PHOTO: An ancient out building on an Irish Sheep Farm. I can't even imagine how old this is.

Clothing Decisions

Time is getting away from me. I was just looking at the calendar, and it's scary. Why didn't I do Christmas in July like I talked about? In case I don't do cards this year, consider yourself wished a Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho!

The kitties are cooking in front of the fire. I don't know how they can stand being so close. Ming is about 5 inches from it. Paddle is stretched out, trying to absorb as much heat on her belly as she can. By the way, it's not cold outside, nor inside. Maybe they like the asthetics. Oh wait, Ming just got up an curled up on the couch. She's had it.

Yesterday I did a thorough cleaning out of the bedroom closet and have a whole bunch of things to give away to Goodwill tomorrow. It's a good feeling to thin things out, knowing they are still good clothes that someone else can use. I'll take a look around the basement and see what else can go. I'm having a problem considering what clothes I will be able to wear after my surgery. Since I won't be able to have reconstruction/reduction until late next year, I'm going to have to use a prosthesis until then. Clothing will have to be blousy or loose, I imagine, as close fitting tops will not be a good choice. I really need to make some decisions soon about post-surgery clothing - what will not chafe, be uncomfortable, etc. For the first who knows how many days - weeks? - I may not want anything touching my chest. I also want to read the fine print on my insurance coverage to see what they will cover as far as mastectomy prostheses/bras. I do know that they are pretty expensive. Need to make some wise choices.

PHOTO: An iris in our yard in the spring. Love the color.

Domestic Goddess Issues

I put on my Domestic Goddess crown today and worked around the house. I actually got quite a lot accomplished, which was a good thing. Now that I know when my surgery is going to be, December 21st, it's a good incentive to keep busy and take care of the household things I want to accomplish by then. I know that once the surgery happens, I will be limited for several weeks on what I can and can't do. As well as what I wiil feel like doing. It's hard to predict what my mood will be.

One thing I want to do soon is to take an inventory of what's in our freezers. I tend to take advantage of sales at the grocery stores, and things get buried. I know I've forgotten a lot of what's in the freezers. I think we could easily live without buying more food for a long time. I want to make some casseroles, soups, and other dishes that we can just take out and heat up. That will make life so much easier. It will also limit the number of take out dinners.

We have two food pantries, one in the kitchen, and the shelving units of food I keep downstairs in the basement. All the multiples are taken downstairs so that the kitchen pantry isn't overloaded. I recently reorganized the kitchen pantry and was so pleased with myself, I had to keep admiring my work. Between the two of us, we probably make half a dozen trips up and down stairs every day. But that's ok - it's good exercise!

PHOTO: Our autumn back yard and patio. I just love it.

Feeling Better

The weather has defnitely decided to reflect that it's November out there. Jacket and umbrella time. It was a little overcast part of the day, then we got some real rain - puddles and all. We really need it badly, as does quite a bit of the east coast. Our poor reservoir looks so pathetic. There's a meadow growing where the water used to be when we drive over the bridge separating Carroll and Baltimore Counties. It's an area that wasn't very deep before, but now the water is gone. We've heard that this happened about 5 years ago as well. I do hope we have some good rainfalls soon.

For a change today, I went back to the library to put in my volunteer time. It's been a long time since I've worked there, and it was really good to get back into the rhythm again. Cathy was also there working and we went to lunch at Panera's afterwards, which was really nice. That was our routine before I began slacking off.

Jim had an appointment today in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins Hospital. Just an eye exam followup at the Wilmer Eye Institute. Still 20/20 vision with his glasses. Anyway, he drove to the car park in Owings Mills and took the Metro in. The last stop on the train is Johns Hopkins, which is very convenient, and saves the hassle of driving in Baltimore, one way streets, traffic, and stress. He even gets a senior citizen discount on his Metro ticket. What more can you ask?

PHOTO: Boarder horses on the property across the road from us - Cold Saturday Farm.

Sunday Dinner

Today was a great day. We had company for dinner - Cathy, Sharon, and spouses, and with their contributions, it turned out to be a delicious meal. While the dinner finished cooking, the menfolk gravitated to the football game and the womenfolk sat at the kitchen table and talked.Isn't that the way it always is? I had lots of help getting the dinner on the table, and we ate only about a half hour late. A very relaxing evening, with good food, good drink, and good conversation. We all enjoyed ourselves. Ming Poo did her best to entertain us with her acrobatics - leaping from the floor to the top of the china cabinet to survey us from above, then jumping to other high furniture. She loves an audience.

Now I'm yawning - a sure sign that it's time for bed, so off I go.

PHOTO: An huge rock formation at the rinver's edge near Deep Creek, MD. I thought the vegetation growing from the top of the rock was interesting.

Love Hurts

This is Ming Poo's teddy bear. He's only about 4 inches high, and has been well loved, as you can see. She carries him around the house in her mouth, throws him up in the air, uses her back feet to disembowel him, and chews him up. She dearly loves this little toy, and he's literally falling apart. Both of his ears are gone, both of his feet, and his left paw. His stuffing is showing up in little ghost tufts around the house. I should be patching him up before he's too far gone, but I've been neglectful. I also have a feeling that once I sew him up, she'll lose interest, so I've been putting it off. But I really need to do something pretty soon. The second picture is one I posted to my blog on August 6th. I have to say, he's gone downhill quite a bit since then. At least he's still smiling!

It's been the same with each of our cats. They have all had one type of toy that they alone enjoy, and the others could care less about. Ping had a spider we called her Bug-a-Boo. It was a yellow furry ball with 8 rawhide legs. She dearly loved that toy and carried it around with her. For Pong, it's the little fake mice. He especially loves if they are new and have a leather tail, which he promptly chews up. They are thrown up in the air, or batted around like hockey pucks. Paddle loves rubber makeup sponges. She even steals them from my makeup bag, although she has plenty of her own. She treates them like her little babies, dropping them into her food and water dishes. She mews at them and carries them in her mouth like a mother cat. Ball, true to his name, loves small fuzzy, glittery sponge balls. When he was younger, he would carry them around and wanted us to play fetch with him. We would toss the ball to him, and he would bat it back to us, right-pawed, and it would be like a tennis match. He had a sense of fair play, and would jump down and retrieve the ball if he missed it, but would sit there and look at us if he didn't think it was a fair ball, waiting for us to get it. It was the funniest thing. He doesn't really do it any more unless we egg him on.

Whenever we move the couches, or the refrigerator, or the stove, or the grandfather clock, we find a whole cache of toys from all the cats. They think that's great, and everybody reclaims their dusty treasures.

Two Hundred Postings and Counting ...

This is my 200th posting since I began this blog on May 6, 2007. Two hundred! When I started writing my blog, I made a personal decision to blog every day, and I have, except once when I didn't have internet service. I'm so glad I started this blog, because it's been a good resource for me to check when certain things happened, and so on. My memory isn't always trustworthy, and having recorded things on a daily basis has worked well for looking things up.

I soon decided that I didn't want to make my life all about cancer, so I discuss what's going on in my daily life to round things out, so to speak. I also decided to dress the blog up a little by uploading some of my photos, and I've received some nice compliments on them. I appreciate that. I actually have quite a few other photos, but they are housed on my previous computer, and it's in need of a trip in to the Apple store for some fixing. So until that happens, I'm kind of stuck with the ones I have on this computer, and you've seen most of those. It's also been a good way for my family and friends to keep up with my life without having to rehash everything multiple times.

One interesting thing for me has been to notice the many places where people are reading my blog. I have a Sitemeter on the blog - a free counter - that records the number of people who have accessed the blog, where they are, and how many pages they read. It doesn't tell me individual people who read it, just the cities where they are located. I've had hits from all over the U.S. as well as the following countries: France, Germany, England, Greece, Italy, Croatia, China, Japan, Philippines, Australia, Brazil, Canada, Peru, Bolivia, Indonesia, Chile, Russia, Singapore, Taiwan. Those are just the ones I remember and the ones I can check now (they only show the last 100 hits.) I've also had some emails from people in other countries, so I feel as if I am writing to pen pals again, like I did as a girl. Those who write to me are also doing battle with breast cancer, so we have that in common. It's kind of a long distance support group by email.

I would really enjoy hearing from you if you're reading this. You can send me an email by clicking on the envelope at the end of this post, or you can post a comment. I'd really love the feedback!

PHOTO: The Great Dismal Swamp National Wildlife Refuge, North Carolina.

Blessings

Today is Thanksgiving Day. I have a great deal to be thankful for, as we all do, but this year the words have more meaning to me because of the events and challenges that have come my way. Yes, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but from the latest tests after 6 months of chemotherapy, my cancer is gone. If I was going to get breast cancer, this is the "best time" to have it diagnosed, because of all the latest discoveries in treatment. I've been getting the most cutting edge treatment, such as chemotherapy before surgery to monitor how my cancer would respond to the drug cocktail the doctors decided upon. Of all the doctors I might have ended up with, I have the team of doctors at St. Joseph's Breast Cancer Center, and they are wonderful. Of all the outcomes that might have occurred, mine has been relatively easy. Yes, I've been through chemotherapy, but with very few, if any, serious side effects. I never came down with a cold or the flu or pneumonia or an infection during my six months of treatment. My white blood cell count became low while I was getting Adriamycin/Cytoxan treatments, but a Neulasta shot after each one kept me on course, and I didn't have to miss one treatment. Yes, I became anemic several times when I was getting Taxol and Herceptin, but it was treated with Aranesp and my blood counts came back up, along with my energy level. The shots are multiple thousands of dollars apiece, but I didn't have to pay a penny towards them because my insurance covered it. Yes, I did have out of pocket expenses, but after I had paid my maximum out-of-pocket expense, my insurance company covered the entire amount. Yes, my cancer is agressive and the chance for recurrence is higher than normal, but my doctors are on top of it and are taking agressive steps towards combatting it - chemo, surgery, and radiation - and will be closely monitoring me in the future to ward off any new developments.

And through it all, I have had enormous support from my husband Jim, family, and friends. I am truly thankful.

PHOTO: Doorstep at a restaurant in Alexandria, VA

Great Performances

Jim and I have been sitting here listening to a concert on the PBS channel. The Israel Philharmonic 70th birthday concert. It was performed and recorded in Israel, and it's been quite good. One old violinist is 88 years old, and when interviewed was as sharp as a tack. Not being a musician myself, I wonder at the ability of these people to perform the way they do, really long pieces with no sheet music. At least none for the pianist and maestro violinist during their performances. I'm in awe.

Jim has been taking weekly piano lessons this fall at the local community college. He's really been enjoying the course, and so he has a special appreciation for the concert pianist who's performing tonight. The man has fingers that simply fly over the keys. Jim has a clavinova at home that he's been really consistant practicing on, using his headphones, and he's feeling much better about his progress. He's much less worried about his practicing since I can't hear what he's doing. No need to feel self-conscious. There are 2 more piano courses following the one he's taking now, and he wants to continue on with both of those. The course he's in has about a dozen students, and each one has a digital piano with headphones. Everyone can play at the same time and the teacher can tell by the fingering if the students are hitting the right notes. The teacher's piano is the only one that can be heard. Jim really likes the format of the course. The one fly in the ointment is that there will be a recital at the end of the course. Oh dear ....

PHOTO: Another early morning photo Jim took from our front yard.

Food Shopping Frenzy

It just dawned on me that tomorrow is Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, and I planned to go grocery shopping. That's got to be the busiest grocery shopping day of the year, right? Oh joy. Jim and I were invited to David and Karen's house for Thanksgiving Dinner, although David told us yesterday that Karen has been sick with flu-like symptoms. He did say she was starting to feel better. However, if she isn't feeling really well, we're going to revert to Plan B and we'll all go out to dinner on Thursday. We had agreed on dividing up the meal between our two families, so I need to shop for the ingredients for the dishes I plan to bring. If we do go out to eat instead, I'll divide up the things I'm bringing and they can have them the following day. Same with us, I'll leave some of the food here for us to eat the next day. I do hope Karen is better. It's really too bad to be feeling sick on a holiday.

I called my surgeon's office today and scheduled my mastectomy surgery for December 21st. It's a 2 1/2 hour procedure, following the Sentinel Node Biopsy. I have to have a dye injection done prior to the SNB, which I'm not looking forward to. It's pretty painful. I'm going to take something for pain prior to the SNB and perhaps I can have one less thing to deal with.

After the mastectomy, I will spend the night in the hospital and will go home the following day. They don't let anybody hang around too long in hospitals any more. Once I get home, I know I'll be paranoid that one of the kitties will jump up on my chest. They like to lay down on my ample "shelf" and purr, but that's definitely going to be a thing of the past. Poor things. They won't understand.

PHOTO: Carnival masks in a Venetian shop window.

The Bookies Again

Today was our monthly book club, this time at Betty's. It was a really great time, getting caught up with each other and enjoying ourselves. It's also a good support group. Everyone has things going on in their lives and families, and sharing eases the burdens and reminds us that all our problems are relative, we all have them, and having friends to talk them over with is the best medicine.

Pat and her family had a great weekend. She told us about her whole family going to cheer on 2 of her sons who ran a 50 mile race this weekend. Pat said her voice is hoarse today from all the cheering and hollering they were doing. One of their sisters flew in from Minnesota to be there. Both of the guys made it - one has done this 6 times already, and the other has done it 4 times. Fifty miles!!! That's like running nearly 2 marathons back to back! I can't even imagine a person being able to do such a thing. Hooray for them!

Now that the craft fair is behind us, I want to get the house in order and take care of things I've been putting off. Last night I worked on paperwork for a while and paid some bills. The next thing I should tackle is our filing. Not my favorite chore, so it only gets done every couple of months. In between, the stack just keeps getting higher and higher. Who cares?

Jim is feeling progressively better. It's been a month now since he had the two stents put in, and his energy is returning and he's feeling more like his old self again. He's been going to the gym a few times a week and gradually doing his workouts again, and he's enjoying it, as well as enjoying seeing his friends there. He's also been working around the house outside, taking care of the property like he usually does. Today he cleaned out and filled the bird feeders for the first time this season. Some of the seed is gone, so either the birds found their food, or the squirrels have. Yesterday he saw a neighbor's cat eating the deer food out of their bowl. I can't imagine what self-respecting cat would stoop to eating grain and corn and molasses unless it was starving, but this one wasn't, so who knows?

I spooked a deer eating some acorns in the front yard on Saturday morning. It was still dark and I was going out to the shed to get some chairs, and a deer took off into the woods. He was startled to see me, and I was a little startled myself!

PHOTO: Our Ping as a baby. She was only about 3 months old here, much lighter than she eventually became. She was a natural mink like Ming Poo. She was my cat. Very skitish with others, but followed me around like a puppy. I called her my puppy-cat.

Sunday

Sunday was a drizzly day, good for staying home and putting on the fireplace. It was cozy inside and I spent some time just reading a mystery that I managed to finish, and other than that did nothing else. After the long day Saturday, that was all I wanted. The kitties are content to just stay inside most of the time as well. Even Pong hasn't been howling to go out. He spends a little time outside, then comes in and snuggles by the fire.

The photos show our "L" shaped tables at the Holiday Craft Fair on Saturday. The name of our company is Three Laughing Women. The second photo shows a sign Cathy found for us, and I propped it up for the photo so it could be read. "We don't stop laughing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop laughing." The third photo shows some of the Red Hat pieces Sharon made, including some hat pins in a red hat pincushion.

If you click on the photos you can enlarge them to see the jewelry more clearly.

Holiday Fair

It was o'dark thirty when I left this morning for the craft show. Setup started at 7:00 am and went until 9:00 when the show opened. Sharon and I needed all that time to get everything out and ready. It looked pretty when we finished, with lighting, glitz, and glamour. Our spot wasn't too great - in the corner next to a family with 6 rowdy kids who played next to our booth. It was very trying, especially when the dad joined in and became the biggest kind of all. Enough said.

There was a large crowd, however not as large a crowd as expected and not as many vendors as usual. Not the usual elbow-to-elbow shoppers experienced from the past. I'm sure the economy, being what it is right now, is affecting how people are spending their money. Many vendors were talking about their sales being less than they have been previously.

Regardless, it's an experience. A number of our friends came by after Sharon sent out emails telling them we'd be at the show. It was good to reconnect with them and they bought gifts, so that was nice. Our husbands came and helped with getting things packed up and loaded. That was nice. It was a long day, and we both crashed after we got home. We need some R&R!

I'll post a photo tomorrow of our booth.

Briefly ...

Nothing happening today, except that I have been getting ready for tomorrow's craft show. The weather should be good, so I'm hopeful that we'll have a lot of shoppers. Still have some things to do, so I'm going to sign off.

Plastic Surgeon Appointment

My plastic surgeon appointment was today. He seems to be a nice man and I've heard he's a good surgeon. The bottom line is that I won't be having any reconstructive or reduction surgery for a year. That time line has to do with the other surgery I'm having and the following radiation therapy.

I have to decide whether to have a TRAM or a DIEP for reconstruction. Both of those use body tissue to reconstruct instead of an expander and implants. I will probably go with a TRAM because of lesser post-operative risk and lesser time in the operating room, 6+ hours. He does both procedures. The TRAM is more commonly done.

Time to get back to beading. Not much time left until the craft fair Saturday.

Wednesday

After last night's feline drama, all was quiet and normal today. You'd never know there had been such a brawl happening last night, but today we all got along. Ball was kissy-face, huggy-bear with Paddle, and she was her gentle little ladylike self again.

I've been doing a lot of beading the past few days. Sharon and I will be vendors at another craft fair on Saturday - this one a more major holiday fair than the previous one we signed up for. I'm getting nervous. I hope our jewelry is well received and we're successful. If not ... oh, well.

While I was beading in the family room this afternoon I managed to knock over a whole dish of seed beads onto the floor. It was all Ming Poo's fault, naturally. She likes to bead too. I was trying to keep her from chomping on some wire. (Yesterday I pulled about about 12 inches out of her mouth that she had already swallowed.) Anyway, what a fiasco with the seed beads. Our carpet is a multi-colored neutral berber, and the beads disappeared into it. Picking them all up was a nightmare. There I was on my hands and knees, flashlight in hand, with Ming Poo perched on my raised behind, "helping." Jim got a big laugh out of it, so it wasn't a total loss.

Tomorrow is my appointment with the plastic surgeon. I'm anxious to find out what he has to say about what's in store for me. I have options, but I don't know what the best choices are. Whatever route I choose, there will be multiple surgeries. What to do, what to do ...

PHOTO: Our back yard Burning Bush. It's glorious now.

Cat Fight!!

I just looked up the current moon phase on Google, thinking it must be a full moon. It's only 15% today, but our cats are behaving unlike their normal selves and it has us baffled. When Jim came home tonight, at about 6:30, he let Ball and Pong inside. I hate to admit this, but I had forgotten about them after I let them out at 4:00. It was dark, and both gladly came inside with slightly large tails. We wondered what had scared them. Well, at that point Paddle, our meek, mild tempered little female Tonk, proceeded to go after Ball with a vengence. Ball kept trying to get away, spitting and hissing, and she kept chasing him around the furniture. They ended up at a standoff with both of them growling at each other. Ball ran and Paddle chased him upstairs, and she meant business. This wasn't play time.

Just a little while ago Ball came back into the Family Room and Paddle immediately jumped off Jim's lap, jumped up on the couch and went after Ball again. This time there was screaming and yelling and tumbling and running, Ball trying to get away and Paddle right on his heels. He ran upstairs and she tackled him. We heard a furious battle going on upstairs with lots of hollering and screaming, but it soon died down. Or somebody died. Paddle came swaggering back a few minutes later, but we haven't seen hide nor hair of Ball. Ming Poo was totally intimidated and hid under the table skirt. Pong avoided the battle and has gone to lie down somewhere.

I can't imagine what happened to Paddle to make her react like that, unless Ball rolled in something outside and she's freaking out because she doesn't recognize his smell. I think they recongnize each other by smell more than sight. Paddle has quieted down and is lying on Jim's lap. I'm going to go find Ball and see if he needs bandaging. Poor little guy. First he gets whupped by Ming Poo, then by Paddle. What's this household coming to, where Ball, the one-time Alpha male, gets beat up by the girls?

PHOTO: From left to right, Paddle, Ball, and Pong on Jim's lap. On a normal quiet day.

Looking Good ...

Jim took Maddy to the airport today, and I went off to a seminar at St. Joseph's sponsored by the American Cancer Society and the cosmetic industry called "Look Good...Feel Better." It's a "free program that teaches beauty techniques to women cancer patients in active treatment to help them combat the appearance-related side effects of cancer treatment." A cosmetologist runs the seminar, teaching women "how to cope with skin changes and hair loss using skin care products donated by the cosmetic industry." Each woman is given a kit in her own skin shade to complement her complexion type. The kit contains all kinds of skin care products and makeup donated by major cosmetic companies - moisturizers, sun blocks, foundations, concealers, eye shadows, eye liner and eyebrow pencils, mascaras, blushers and lipsticks. And that's just off the top of my head. There were so many I can't remember them all.

Some of the women had never worn makeup and needed assistance learning how to apply the products. The cosmetologist was very helpful in demonstrating how to blend colors and how to get creative with the makeup. The women all looked better when they were finished, and their self esteem seemed to be improved. They felt pretty, and that's a good thing. I learned a few tricks myself that I will use. The cosmetologist also shaped and trimmed a couple of wigs, and it really improved them.

The women also shared their personal experiences with chemo, radiation, and resulting side effects. I found it informative and a little daunting. One woman said fatigue, my most significant side effect, can last for 3 years. I hope that's not right. Most of the women were interested in how long it takes for hair to grow back and what it's like when it does. The answer is that it depends on the person. My hair is coming in white in front and a battleship gray in the back. My eyelashes are all coming in white. The brows haven't started coming back yet. Ah, the indignities.

PHOTO: Early morning looking out across our property. This photo was taken by Jim.

Enjoying Maddy's Visit

The cats are in heaven with Maddy here. She loves our cats, playing with them, petting them, and invites them to sleep with her at night by leaving her door open. They aren't allowed to sleep in our bedroom. Jim has tried to allow them to sleep with us, but it becomes a free-for-all, especially with Ming Poo. She loves to attack - feet, blankets, other cats - or uses sleeping bodies as walkways. Nobody gets much sleep, so they are banned. Maddy enjoys having them sleep on her bed, and usually it's just Pong who comes in. The others are a little wary of the "stranger" and don't feel totally safe. Pong is very sociable and the slightest bit of attention turns on his (loud) purr. Being able to share a bed with someone is a really special treat for him.

We spent a little time today outside getting things ready for winter. One very young tree in our front yard had been snapped off near the top - I think it may have been hit by lightening recently during a thunderstorm - and Jim got out the chain saw and took care of it. Maddy and I got the leaves taken care of on the patio and took in the flower pots. It was cool out but a really beautiful day.

Tonight Maddy and I got out the vacuum Food Saver, the quart bags, and the spaghetti sauce pot and proceeded to ladle sauce into freezer bags. We had quite a procedure going. It all worked out really well. The vacuum sealer is a great way to freeze foods, as well as creating space saver pouches that stack on top of each other. By the time we were finished we had 10 quarts of sauce for the freezer - after having eaten two spaghetti meals. Maddy is taking a quart home on the plane with her, along with some chocolate frosted cupcakes she made today. I think she may be better off checking her luggage than taking it with her and risking having the sauce and cupcakes confiscated as bomb making materials.

We're hoping that both Hannah and Maddy can come to visit when they have time off in January. That would be fantastic. Hannah will have the month of January off from college (UMass) and we miss seeing her.

PHOTO: Maddy, taken 2 years ago in summer. Pink is her favorite color.

Mistletoe Mart

Today was the last day of the Mistletoe Mart, a favorite craft show at The Church of the Ascension in Westminster. I've gone every year we've lived here, and today Jim and Maddy and I went together. It was fun - a juried craft show with beautiful arts and crafts of every description. The whole place was elbow to elbow with shoppers. Daughter-in-Law Karen and friend Annie were vendors there this year for the first time. They were selling their beautiful handmade purses and accessories, and they seemed to have done extremely well.

My book club friend and talented artist Carolyn was there again this year with her handwoven baskets, and she had only 8 left of the 60 baskets she had brought to sell. That was around 1:00, so she may well have sold all of them by the time the fair ended at 5:00. We chatted for a short time, and she showed me her red, raw hands from 3 weeks of frantic basket weaving, getting ready for this show after selling out at the last one 3 weeks ago. Her work is exceptional, which explains the demand for her baskets. Carolyn is also a fiber artist who designs and weaves clothing on a full-sized loom, knits, and paints. She teaches as well, and someday I would love to take one of her classes.

After leaving the Mistletoe Mart, we went to lunch, which was very good, and then came on home. It was a quiet day after that, with Maddy doing her homework, Jim watching football, and me doing some beading. The kitties were pretty lazy today, snuggling up to the fireplace after brief runs outside. Nice family activities for a cold day.

PHOTO: An Italian flag hanging from a balcony in Venice, I think. Somewhere in Italy.

Surprise, Surprise!

We had a welcome surprise today! Our granddaughter, Maddy, came to visit us for the Veteran's Day weekend, arriving this morning and will stay until Monday afternoon. We had said she was welcome here at any time, but it ended up being a last minute decision on the part of her parents, and we got a call early this morning that she would be arriving at 11:45. Jim went in to Baltimore and picked her up after his 9:00 piano lesson. I had already made arrangements to meet with some friends this morning, so I was gone much of the day. When I arrived home, the house smelled deliciously of spaghetti sauce. Jim and Maddy had been cooking Jim's sauce all afternoon. Jim used his recipe, but I gather that measurements were of the Julia Child method of cooking - i.e. none too precise. Dinner was marvelous. I enjoyed it immensely. We all did. And it's so good to have Maddy here visiting.

Maddy (16) and her sister Hannah (18) are belly dancers, and Maddy brought a DVD recording of their performance this fall at the Garlic Festival in MA. They were 2 of 7 dancers who performed on stage at the Festival, and it was an amazing show. Both Hannah and Maddy performed together and separately. The costumes were gorgeous and the dance movements fluid and graceful, with all the hip bump action, shoulder shimmying, and stomach rolling of the pros. Maddy has been taking lessons since she was 12 and Hannah for about 2 years. They are both extremely good and have beautiful figures, partly because of the exercise they get in practice. Some of the dancing is done with veils. We've seen other DVD's of their previous performances and it amazes us that they can move like that! Such control and skill. We're really impressed.

It was fairly cold today, a real November day for a change. It rained a little - very little. Not enough to do any good, just enough to make the windshield wipers turn on occasionally. After the extremely mild weather we've had this fall until very recently, I suppose we should expect a little damp and cold weather. The leaves are still hanging on the trees, for the most part, but some trees are getting bare now. The colors are still beautiful. I just love the fall. This color change is what I missed most when we lived in San Diego.

PHOTO: Afternoon clouds in October.

Hitting a Snag in Treatment

Jim and I went to my appointment for Herceptin today, and as I had suspected, my MUGA percentage was too low and they couldn't give me my treatment. The actual percentage from the MUGA was 47%, (should be at least 50%) so my oncologist wants to wait a month and then see how my heart activity is and try again. This is the first time I've had to have any scheduled treatments delayed, and it's a little depressing to me. It means that instead of being finished with Herceptin in August, it will be at least September before I'm done. Perhaps not a big deal to some, but I'm thinking about traveling, and I was hoping I'd be done with this so we could plan a trip somewhere. I do hope this damage is reversible. It would be too ironic to be cured of cancer but to end up with congestive heart failure in the process. Sigh ...

Tomorrow is Jim's big spaghetti sauce cookoff. He enjoys making sauce, and puts everything in it but the kitchen sink. Sometimes it's great, and other times it's ok. The last batch he made - 3 gallons - turned out especially well, and I copied down just what went into the batch so that hopefully, he can recreate it. It had bison, veal, sweet Italian sausage and beef as the meats. It's on my computer, so I printed out the recipe for him today, and he came home from the grocery store loaded down with tons of ingredients. I think he'll have a good time, and we'll have a delicious dinner tomorrow night. We freeze it into manageable portions with our vacuum sealer. It's definitely a 2-person job, and we work well together ladling it into plastic bags. It gets kind of messy, but that's just part of the process.

PHOTO: Autumn color in Finksburg.

Knight on a White Horse

I had an appointment today for a MUGA scan. That's one of those nuclear medicine tests to check for percentage of efficiency of the heart valves. The reason I need to get these scans is that a side effect of the Herceptin I get is that it can damage the heart valves and lead to congestive heart failure. I've had 3 MUGAs so far and it has dropped from the base line of 60% to 55.8% and 55.0% a month ago. It shouldn't drop below 50%.

So at any rate I had an appointment at 5:00 at American Radiology to have this test before my Herceptin appointment tomorrow at 1:00. The receptionist asked for my doctor's order for having this test done. Uh, oh. I had a sick feeling that I didn't have it with me, but started frantically searching for it in my purse. Of course, it wasn't there. I told her I had left it at home. She said they had to have it, call the doctor's office and have them fax it over. Couldn't find Silva's phone number, so I called Schultz's office to get Silva's number. Schultz's office was closed. The receptionist finally looked up the phone number for Silva for me and I dialed. Silva's office was closed. She insisted that they could not do the test without the doctor's order. I had to have the MUGA before I could get my Herceptin infusion tomorrow, since I was going on a new concentration, what they called a loading dose. The reason for the loading dose is that I am now going to be getting Herceptin every three weeks instead of every week, and therefore the concentration will be greater.

Well, my only alternative was to see if I could get the test done in the morning tomorrow before the Herceptin appointment. So I had to get on the phone with the scheduling person, who looked at all the American Radiology locations and said no, there was no way they could do it tomorrow. After round robin phone calls between the scheduling person, the nuclear medicine people, the receptionist, and me, it was finally agreed that they would go ahead with the MUGA even though it was against the law for them to do that, but that I had to bring the doctor's order back to them tonight. I assured them I would. I called Jim over and asked him if he could go home and get it, which he was happy to do, if it would solve the problem. Of course it was rush hour and half an hour away.

"Where is it?" he asked. "It's on the dining room table." So off he went, as I tried to remember exactly when I had put it on the table and if it was still there. I remembered that I had been cleaning out my purse on the table, throwing away kleenexes and trash, and remembered seeing it. I was sure that was where it was. It wasn't in my purse. Where else would it be?

I went back and got prepped for the procedure, which involves removing some of my blood, adding the radioactive isotope to the blood, and then replacing the blood back into me. After waiting for a half hour, the MRI-looking machine takes pictures for 30 minutes, then the test is done. When I was finished, I went back to the waiting room, and there was Jim. He had arrived about 3 minutes earlier WITH the doctor's order. Whew! He saved my bacon again! My hero!!

The thing is, when he went into the house, the dining room table was totally cleared off. Oh shit. Turns out the paper was on the desk area by the phone, which I don't remember doing at all. But he found it without too much trouble and raced back in time to bail me out - again. He would have been justified in being totally ticked off at me, but he was very calm and reassuring. He even took me to dinner afterwards. Like I said before, My Hero!

By the way, the MUGA showed that my efficiency percentage has dropped to 49%. I'll have to see what that development means tomorrow. I may not get that Herceptin after all!

Jean Chait

I noticed an obituary in today's local newspaper for a woman I knew from my first introduction to yoga a few years ago. She was the instructor who taught a weekly class at a local church. My friend Sharon introduced me to her and I took her class for several months with Sharon, until I decided it wasn't working for me. Sharon continued with the weekly classes as she had done for years.

Jean was perhaps the most flexible person I ever saw. She made yoga look beautiful. She was naturally lean, fit, and strong. Jean was a very pleasant person with a gentle spirit - a perfect yoga instructor. Sharon told me that Jean had had breast cancer 12 years previously, but had beaten it. She began taking yoga as a means to help in her fight against the cancer, and over time she excelled at it and became an instructor herself. I don't know what kinds of cancer treatments she undertook back then, but she overcame the disease, and had been disease free ever since. That was until about 2 years ago when Sharon told me that Jean had developed breast cancer again. I'm sure it was a shock to her and her family, but Jean made a decision to forgo the traditional treatments and instead concentrated on natural healing and a macrobiotic diet. She did well for some time, and continued to teach her classes, but gradually she began to weaken as the cancer took hold. Eventually she agreed to undergo radiation treatments, but it was probably too late by that time. Ultimately she gave up teaching her class and was confined to her home. I don't know any details of her illness, but sadly, this time she was unable to overcome the disease.

Jean was 55 years old. She was married and had two sons. She had earned her Master's Degree from Johns Hopkins University, had been an urban planner with Montgomery County, MD for many years, and was a certified yoga teacher. I know she will be greatly missed and long remembered by her many friends.

Slow Day

I'm doing better today - not tired like I was, and Jim's not feeling 100%. He was a little pale and dizzy today. He had been planning to exercise at the gym, but decided against it. We didn't do too much, just went for a ride and went shopping. I think all that drama and trauma over the weekend, as well as still recovering from the stent operation, is still taking its toll. He has a followup appointment with his cardiologist on Wednesday, so that's a good thing.

My friend Cathy has a great sense of humor. After reading in my blog last week that I was going to go eat worms, she presented me with a beribboned bag of gummy worms. That really cracked me up. It's good to keep things in perspective!

Jim has noticed that my hair is really starting to come in now. It's about 3/4" long in the back. The sides are still somewhat shorter, but I'm taking heart that the rest is coming in pretty steadily. I'm disappointed that it's all gray, or at least gray mousey-brown. I don't know if it will change back, but I can't wait until I can color it again. I've had it blond with highlights for several years now, and gray just doesn't cut it for me. Yuck!

PHOTO: Cardinals and juncos having lunch last winter in our backyard.

He's Baaaaack ....

I picked Jim up from the hospital this morning, and he looks and feels fine. Other than the usual interruptions you can count on when you are in the hospital, temperature taking, blood pressure taking, blood taking, he had a pretty comfortable night. They did record some atrial fibulation during the night, but apparently that is something that will be with him and is not something to be too concerned about. His arm is much better now. All the information will be relayed to his cardiologist and we'll see if there is to be any follow up, but he did not have any heart problems, so that is the bottom line.

When I arrived on Jim's floor at the hospital, Dr. Silva, my oncologist, was walking down the hall, saw me and came over to see what I was dong at the hospital. I explained that I was picking up my husband after he had some bad chest pain and they kept him overnight to check things out. Especially because he had angioplasty and the stents put in 2 weeks ago. He came with me to Jim's room and the three of us had a really nice, long conversation about my upcoming surgical options. He was so nice. Spent time discussing with both of us the various aspects of either lumpectomy or mastectomy, and his recommendation that I talk to some other doctor for another opinion. Also his basis for how he comes to his own particular opinion, but that the difference between the statistical advantage of a mastectomy over a lumpectomy is very, very slight. He not only knows me, but knows all the details of my case and the specifics of my particular breast cancer, from memory. He really wants me to feel comfortable with my decision, which I don't, and is doing all he can to give me the tools I need to get to that point. He's such a great doctor. You can see how much he loves his work and his dedication to his patients. Here it is a Sunday, and he was there visiting patients, and not being the least bit rushed in his visits.

I have been totally wasted all day. I could hardly get myself out the door to go pick Jim up, and was too tired to drive home. I had Jim drive us. I can't offer any explanation for being so tired except that the chemo and the stress and being at the hospital all day yesterday all came together in a perfect storm and I just crashed. I went back to bed around 1:30 this afternoon and slept until nearly 5:00. Such a waste of a beautiful day, but what can I say? I'm sitting here now, still feeling exhausted. I sure hope tomorrow is a better day.

PHOTO: Ivy-covered villas in Stresa, Italy.

Back to St. Joe's for Jim

I'm sitting here alone tonight. Jim is in the hospital overnight for observation and some more enzyme tests tomorrow. I took him in to St. Joseph's this morning after he had a really terrible night last night. He had taken his blood pressure and it was high, and his heart beat was so irregular that the monitor couldn't read it. He had chest pain. He took two nitroglycerin tablets and they didn't help at all. He was in severe pain all night and didn't sleep, chest pain for much of the night, as well as severe pain in his arm from the flu and pneumonia shots he got yesterday. He couldn't even move it hurt so bad. This morning he told me he thought he might have had a heart attack last night. On a pain scale, he said the chest pain was a 7. I'm sorry to say I was asleep through all his misery and didn't have a clue as to what was going on with him. Of course I told him he should have wakened me.

The cardiologist in the emergency room thinks perhaps the shots hit a nerve and the pain radiated down to his heart, causing the stress and anxiety and chest pain. They did blood tests, thoroughly examined him, and did an X-ray of the heart and lungs. His enzyme levels were normal, meaning he did not have a heart attack, thank God!

So basically, with no other cause in sight, we think the whole situation was brought on by that hot dogging nurse who must be practicing for the Nursing Olympics, giving him two needles at the same time and jamming them both in with the same thumb plunge. Practicing for the "shot put"? The shots both went in together, way high up at the shoulder, not a couple of inches down where they usually give them, and it hurt like hell as soon as he got them. The cardiologist said he never heard of anybody giving two shots at once like that. I'm convinced she hit a nerve. I just hope he feels better by tomorrow, but I have a feeling Jim's arm is going to be sore for a long time. After all he's been through, you can bet the doctor's office is going to be getting an earful about Nurse Hot Dog. She'd better start running.

PHOTO: Sunset over Sorrento, Italy

Where's that Damned Nurse?

Poor Jim. And it's all my fault. At the doctor's office yesterday, he was advised to get a flu shot so that he wouldn't get the flu and pass it on to me, with my chemo compromised immune system. There is some question about whether I should get one as well. I've heard conflicting opinions, that I should (Schultz's assistant) and should not (chemo nurse) get a flu shot, so I'm waiting for the final answer from the doctor's office. To me, it makes sense that I should, since getting the flu with a lowered resistance immune system would be pretty terrible and could land me in the hospital.

So back to Jim. He hasn't gotten a flu shot in quite a few years, probably at least 5 or more. He called our primary care doctor's office this morning to see about getting both a flu shot and a pneumonia shot. Ironically, he was offered both when he was in the hospital last week, but he refused them then. Anyway, he made an appointment to get his shots today at 2:30. When I came home he said his upper arm was really sore from where he got the shots. He couldn't even move it. As the evening progressed the pain got worse and worse, until the stress of it triggered some chest pain, and he resorted to taking 2 nitroglycerin tablets, first one, then the second when the first didn't do anything. Then he took his blood pressure and it was 166/88, and he had an irregular heart beat - the condition that started this whole series of tests that ended with his getting the 3 stents last week. Finally, he just gave up and went to bed at 9:15. His arm was so sore by this time that he needed help getting his shirt off. He had already taken Advil for the pain, but it didn't do much of anything. I told him that tomorrow I'm going to find that blond nurse and kick her butt. He's majorly pissed off. Says all the shots he got when he was in the Army never hurt as much as the two of these. What do you think the chances are that he will get these shots next year?

I'm still fretting over my upcoming surgery. I hate this. Partly, I'm wondering how on earth I'm going to hide a mastectomy when I'm so big on the other side. I won't be able to wear any clothing that won't make me look hideous. Especially at first, I won't be able to have anything touching the incision area. No prosthesis, it would be painful on the skin. Besides, they probably don't make them in my size. It will probably be next fall before I can have any reconstruction and reduction done, so even if there is an implant put in at the time of surgery, no way will it match the "DD" on the other side, so I'll be going through the summer looking pretty pathetic. With Maryland's heat and humidity in the summer, tank tops are my tops of choice. Won't that be charming? I can see it all now. I'll be shaped just like the symmetrically-challenged Chemo Warrior I created out of polymer clay. (Archives June 25, 2007)

PHOTO: Rushing water by the Swallow Falls, Deep Creek area, MD.

Decision Made

After grousing around for a couple of days, wondering what the heck I was going to do about my breast surgery, I finally came to a decision. I took my surgeon's (Schultz) advice and spoke to my oncologist (Silva) today about what the rationale is for advising a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy, Schultz's choice. Silva explained that either choice is a good one for me. Both will do the job. All my tests came back with no evidence of disease. The reason for his siding with a mastectomy in my case is that for someone with my type of breast cancer: estrogen and progesterone (hormone) negative, grade 3 (irregular cells and aggressive), and Herceptin positive, multi-focal and strong family history of breast cancer, the "Standard Treatment" after neo-adjuvant (chemo before surgery) therapy is mastectomy followed by radiation therapy. That type of cancer is at "high risk" for recurrence. Also, I have a lousy family history of breast cancer in my family - mother and 2 sisters, plus myself. (Side note: I was tested for the BRCA gene mutation and it came back negative. That means I don't have that hereditary breast cancer gene, but who knows what gene we may all share that has not yet been identified.) (Second side note: I didn't miss my mammograms. Had one every year, sometimes every 6 months when indicated, yet I went from a good mammogram in 2006 to all this cancer in 2007.) There also had been axial node involvement - cancer seen initially in the axial (armpit) area. Even though I will have the radiation therapy that would kill any remaining microscopic cancer cells, and the Herceptin will continue through infusion for 9 more months, perhaps there may be the slightest edge in opting for a mastectomy. Dr. Silva is very much a statistics man. When a question comes up, he always goes to the data to find out what the studies say, so that is the answer I would expect from him. It's not that he dismisses other points of view regarding cancer treatments, it's just that he is so thorough that he always looks to the research to see what the data shows, which is a good thing. Guess work and hunches aren't his style.

I thought over what he told me, and decided that it is my job to do the best I can to maximize my chances for a complete recovery. It wouldn't be fair to myself, or to Jim, who has stood beside me through every treatment over the past six months, to take the easy way out and chance it that breast cancer wouldn't recur. If it does come back, and I had opted for a lumpectomy, I would always wonder, suppose I had had a mastectomy, could this have been avoided? It would be unfair to put Jim or myself through this again through an easier choice. If I still end up with a cancer recurrence after a mastectomy (nothing is 100% guaranteed) I would at least know, hey, I did everything I possibly could to avoid this. It wasn't through a wrong/bad decision that I made.

After my chemo treatment I went up to Dr. Schultz's office and told him that although I would much rather have a lumpectomy, I thought it was in my best interest to have the mastectomy. He said he knew how much I wanted to have the lumpectomy and wanted very much to be able to give that to me, and was thinking with his heart instead of his head. In other words he knew what he SHOULD do, but he was pushing for what he wanted to do for me. No one will know the answer to the question until after the operation and the pathologist's report comes back. If the report comes back clear, I will have had the mastectomy for nothing, and could have gone for the lumpectomy. But if there are any microscopic cancer cells in evidence, the mastectomy was the right decision. And believe me, a mastectomy is a much more complex surgery, what with the follow up surgeries that will need to be done, than a lumpectomy is.

Another topic we discussed was the Sentinel Node Biopsy, which will be done at the beginning of surgery. A dye is injected into the node drains to identify all of the nodes that drain from the breast (as opposed to the arm, the shoulder, the hand, etc.) Each and every node that is connected to the breast will be removed, opened up and studied under the microscope for evidence of cancer cells. What's interesting to me is that from woman to woman, the nodes aren't anatomically the same. They don't match up, so he goes into each SNB and selects just the nodes he needs based on the ones that are stained by the dye. The numbers can be many or few.

We also talked about follow-up reconstruction surgery and he gave me the name and phone number of his best plastic surgeon, who works along side him during surgery. I will make an appointment with him and go over lots of information. And I have quite a few questions to ask.

One thing I learned that had been confusing to me is that my larger tumor, not the one Dr. Schultz biopsied during the sterotactic biopsy on 4/19, but the one discovered afterwards on 4/24 by the breast MRI test was "sigificantly large" - a 3.5 cm x 3.0 cm x 0.3 cm mass. That's huge! I didn't know about that one, I only knew about the sterotactic biopsied one that measured 1.2 cm. Dr. Silva also mentioned other "highly suspicious lesions." Ignorance is bliss? So now the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place. Dr. Schultz had told me that I had other tumors and multi-focal calcifications, but he didn't specifically talk about the large tumor, which was actually the much bigger problem. Now that I know the size of that tumor, the fact that in less than 6 months it was totally gone is even more amazing!

I learned about something else that had been on my mind. What about the other breast? There was no evidence of any tumors in the right breast, but all this tumor activity in the left. Would the right breast be next? Was it just a matter of time? The answer is that the specific cancer tumor I have only expresses itself in one breast. It doesn't happen in the opposite breast. Dr. Schultz said there was a journal article addressing this very topic recently. I find this very interesting, and would like to read the article. First I have to email Dr. Schultz and find out the name/identification number of that tumor cell line. His favorite "Pain in the Butt" - he knows that I obsess over things. He's probably expecting an email from me even as we speak.

Well, I know this is long, but we went over a lot of information today, and I needed to get it all down before I lose it to "chemo brain."

PHOTO: Jim on the John Deere on the front 40.