Black Halloween

I am a slug. A moody slug, and I have no business consuming air. This hasn't been a good day, I have a headache, and I'm grouchy. Think I'll go eat some worms. So there.

Hasta la pasta ...

Decisions, Decisions

I received a call today from Dr. Schultz. He wanted me to know what transpired at the Tumor Board meeting when he presented my case to them. Dr. Schultz filled the members (about 25) in on how I'm doing and his surgery recommendation that I have a lumpectomy, or breast conservation surgery. He wanted me to know that his opinion turned out to be in the minority. The majority (I don't know how many) thought the better surgery would be a mastectomy. I asked him the reasons the majority felt mastecomy was the better route to go and he said because of the initial multi-focality of the disease in the breast, and the fact that the two initial biopsies were from different areas, although from the same side of the breast, and that the MRI may overlook some hidden cancer spot due to technical limitations. Dr. Schultz suggested I talk to Dr. Silva, my oncologist, on Thursday when I go in for my chemo, and then to come upstairs and chat with him further about it. I believe Dr. Silva is one who feels a mastectomy is called for.

On the lumpectomy side, the surgery is less invasive. Less recovery time. No drains as there would be in a mastectomy. No need for a prosthesis. I will be having radiation for 6 1/2 weeks post surgery, so if there were any stray cancer cells still in the breast, they would be destroyed by the radation. Additionally, I will be on Herceptin for another 9 months, and it's sole purpose is to search out and attach to any cancer cells it finds. Dr. Schultz, who is the head of the Breast Center at St. Joseph's, thinks a lumpectomy is the way we should go.

On the mastectomy side, a mastectomy would give greater assurance that cancer would not recur, but nothing is 100% guaranteed. Radiation would take place with a mastectomy as well. Herceptin is the same. I would need to have some kind of reconstruction surgery, either an expander then an implant, or some kind of a flap using my own tissue. I have concerns that using an implant could result in an uneven or unbalanced bustline, especially as time passes and gravity takes over on the unaffected breast. These flaps are complicated and lengthy surgeries with general anesthesias. None of this reconstruction could begin until 6 months post radiation, approximately next August. The various flap techniques can be very complex, using tissue from other parts of the body to fill in for the lost breast tissue, although in some cases it is still attached and has the same blood supply. I wonder about nerve damage as well. Reconstruction questions aside, the majority of the people on the Tumor Board feel that a mastectomy is the way we should go.

Either way, lumpectomy or mastectomy, I will be having breast reduction surgery, but not until 6 months post radiation, along with whatever plastic surgery is required.

I'm not feeling really good about making this decision. Whatever I decide, here I am, the only non-medically degreed person in this whole group, making the decision. What's wrong with this picture?

Soup Weather

Dinner tonight was pretty good, even to me with my bland taste buds. I was inspired to make some French Onion Soup after picking up 4 beautiful hunter green covered soup crocks a few days ago. After looking around in all my recipe stashing places, I finally found the recipe I used to make years ago. We thought it was very good then, but I ended up tweaking it tonight, adding some bay leaves, beef consumme as well as beef broth, a little flour and the real coup de grace, 1/2 cup of Harvey's Bristol Cream Sherry. I also use Gruyere cheese instead of Swiss. I thought it tasted as good as fancy restaurant fare. Other than fresh French bread and a salad, that was dinner. We have enough left for another meal later in the week. The crocks worked beautifully and looked very pretty. I'm taking my bow now, thank you.

The temperature did drop overnight. It was 30° when Jim got up this morning, but the outside plants didn't seem any worse for wear. The temperature did climb into the 60's later on, and it was very pretty outside. The cats weren't too eager to stay outside, although they all wanted to go out for a while. This afternoon it got cool in the house, so we flipped on the fireplace switch, and the cats loved stretching out in front of it.

I'm expecting to hear from my doctor tomorrow as to the final results of my tests. Things are really looking good so far, and I hope that he will tell me that I am cancer free. When I think about that, it's really an amazing outcome in the span of less than 6 months, from just using chemo and no surgery, yet. It's amazing.

PHOTO: Full moon over Finksburg. The moom rising over our front yard.

Getting Ready for the Freeze

It was a beautiful day today, the sky was a crisp, clear blue, and the trees are all decked out in their fall colors. We're in for a frost or a freeze tonight, so Jim and I carried in our 5 hibiscus plants to winter them over in the basement. We did the same thing last year. Jim has a light timer set up with 12 hours on, 12 hours off, and it was fun to see the plants blooming in the basement all winter. Those are the only plants we brought in - the rest are going to have to make it or not on their own. They are the potted annuals from the patio. Jim stocked up on fish food for the comets in our pond. They are supposed to be fed wheat germ now until the water temperature gets to 36°, if I remember what he said.

I'm so tired right now I can barely keep my eyes open. Think I'll just end this and mosey off to bed.

PHOTO: A cottage on the property across the road from us.

Getting Crafty

The rain finally let up today after quite a bit overnight, and by this afternoon the sun was shining. It was beautiful. The trees are multi-colored now, in the process of changing. It's finally looking like the fall I've been waiting for. Spent time with Sharon today, and we had a good time together. I finally wound down from my Aranesp energy boost, and I took a long afternoon nap. Haven't been sleeping at night much the past few days, and it's catching up with me.

I've been listening to a new book on CD while trying to organize, for the hundredth time, my craft room. Every time I get it neat and sparkling again, within a week I have pulled everything out and can't walk in there. Tonight I got half of it back together, and tomorrow I'll finish it off. One thing that took a while, but was very productive, was to put the various beads I've been using and collecting in some clear bottles I've been accumulating for just that purpose. I found several of sets of spice bottles in carriers at yard sales that work just great, so the miscellaneous plastic containers are now unnecessary. It's a much better system and I can see what I have so much better now. I'd much rather be designing and actually making the jewelry, but it's important to get things where I know where they are. I've been doing some pieces lately that I think are really pretty, and it's very satisfying.

Sharon and I are signed up for another craft fair in mid-November, and we're getting excited about it. We'll have a larger area with 2 tables instead of one, plus electricity for lighting, and we're making plans about our displays. So far we have some very creative ideas that should look really nice. This is a well known and heavily attended craft show, so it should be a lot of fun - and hopefully our things will be well received.

PHOTO: The private pond on our Homeowner's Association conservation area, adjacent to the development. Some of the neighbors fish there with their kids. I love to walk through the area.

Energy to Burn

Had an Aranesp shot yesterday at my chemo treatment, and boy did it have me wired last night. After going to bed at a reasonable time, around 11:30, I read for an hour in bed, put out the light, and lay there until 2:00. At that point I decided to get up and go back downstairs. Made some herbal tea and toast, put on the fireplace, and sat down with my book. The kitties were sleepy and confused, but thought it was a great idea to be up late. Long story short, I finally went back to bed at 5:45, and did fall asleep until 8:45. Have been on the go all day, and felt fine with lots of energy. That Aranesp is amazing.

It's been raining for the past several days - very welcome. No one is complaining about it, although it's quite a change for us. It was pretty cool today as well, but a light jacket did the job. The boy kitties weren't too thrilled with the rain - didn't know what to make of it when they went outside, wanted to come in again, then immediately forgot it was wet out there and wanted to go out again. We end up being door openers for cats.

Went out with the girlfriends to check out a different consignment shop in Timmonium. What a great store. They've been in business for 28 years, a large store with many rooms full of furniture, glassware, home decor, jewelry, just about everything. It's definitely going to work for us to take things to consign, and the percentage for the consigner is 65%. Yay! We also noted that most all the dates on the tags seem to be very recent, indicating a quick turnover of the goods. Every month they reduce the price if an item hasn't sold. We were impressed with the excellent quality of the items for sale, and the prices were affordable, although higher than the shop we have been using. That means that we would yield more for what we bring in. Plus, we can bring in the jewelry we make and sell it there.

Had lunch today at the Macaroni Grill, a great Italian restaurant. It was a leisurely lunch with lots of time to chat and catch up on each other's lives.

PHOTO: A fireside kitty sandwich.

Doctor's Appointment/Taxol Herceptin #11

Well, I've been officially dubbed a "pain in the butt" by my doctor. The actual words were "Je-sus Christ! What a pain in the butt you are!" We had a battle of wills at our meeting today, he wanting to control the information he wanted me to have, and me saying "I just want to know the answers!" He had to keep flipping through the papers in my file to look up things. "I can't remember from back in July!" It's his style to tell you what he wants you to know, a piece at a time in a linear fashion. Doesn't like to speculate, doesn't want to go into "In the event of..." I was trying to write down exactly what he was reading from the reports, and made him repeat things three times while I was getting the words exactly right. But that's my personality. I thrive on details, and it was driving him nuts. (He was really stressed today because of his office having been moved Friday to another building.) I remember a friend once telling me I talk to people like Oprah does. I ask tons of questions about whatever someone is telling me. She wasn't criticizing, she was commenting - or so she said.

And then there was Jim, commiserating with the doctor. "You only have to put up with her for 15 minutes - I have to live with her!" The traitor. The doctor told Jim he deserved a chest full of medals. The swine.

Things went downhill when I told him not to get his panties in a wad after he went on a rant over my persistent emails. He was smiling when he left, congratulated me and shook my hand, but I can tell I'm not his favorite patient.

So what did I learn? He is reserving judgment on a 100% answer until he sees the mammogram films and the MRI films from the Radiology place (nobody requested that they be available to him for my appointment - it's been chaotic since the move), but the PET scan report says there is "complete resolution of all the tumors." Axial node is clear, where it had been a hot spot six months ago. The MRI report said pretty much the same thing. Translation: the cancer is gone. Therefore I will have "breast conservation surgery." Translation: a lumpectomy instead of mastectomy. The surgery will be on a Wednesday or a Friday, the only days he operates, and will not be for at least 5 weeks after the last chemo treatment, therefore December 12th or after. Once he reviews the films, he will present my case to the Tumor Board at the Tuesday conference, and will email me with the final answer on Wednesday. My BRCA status is negative. Translation: I don't have the hereditary breast cancer gene mutation, so not at greater risk for ovarian cancer, which BRCA positive people are. My risk of cancer was the same as the general population. I will have radiation after surgery, and after radiation, at some point, I will have breast reduction surgery. My Herceptin will continue on an every-three-week-basis for 9 additional months, or 12 months total, since I've already had 3 months worth.

So the neo-adjuvant (before surgery) chemo was a total success in my case. In the course of six months, it destroyed the cancer cells. I couldn't have asked for a better outcome, except for a truce with Dr. Schultz.

PHOTO: Me, circa 2003, at our first Red Hat event. In the days of having hair. Sigh ...

Nearing the End of Chemo

Jim remarked tonight on how much my hair is coming in now. It's thick in the back, but of course only about 1/2 inch long. It's not quite as thick on the sides and top, but it's coming in pretty quickly there as well. I get a kick out of the fact that it's growing the way my cowlick grows on top, towards one side. It's also mostly white or gray, which may or may not change over time. I'm kind of surprised that it has been growing in, since I was under the impression that the Taxol made your hair fall out. Oh well, I'll take what I can get. I have had different experiences all along with the side effects of chemo.

Today was the first game of the World Series. Jim was disappointed that it's pouring rain. As he said, it's fair to both teams, but it makes for a less than a great baseball game experience. As a New Englander born and bred, he is of course rooting for the Red Sox. Tonight though, he decided he was tired and the game wasn't enough to hold him, so he went off to bed before it was over.

Today he went back to the gym for the first time in about a month, and seemed happy to be back again. His friends there had missed him, and he filled them in on his recent health issues that landed him in the hospital with the stents. He used the treadmill to walk a mile and did some light weights, which was enough for the first time back. I think getting into his old routines will make him feel more like himself. He's still waiting for the burst of energy I promised him he'd have once he got this procedure done. I think it will actually be more like a slow increase, but a burst would be good.

Tomorrow we will go back to St. Joe's for my chemo treatment # 11 and my appointment with my surgeon, Dr. Schultz, to go over my tests. I'm looking forward to some good news after these nearly 6 months of chemo. I think I've done well, and my oncologist, Dr. Silva, says I have done well, so it's promising. One thing I've avoided so far is getting sick from my immune system being compromised. That's actually saying a lot, since it's not uncommon for chemo patients to end up in the hospital with pneumonia or other illnesses. Others catch cold viruses from other people or other communicable diseases. I've tried to avoid situations where I would be in crowds and concentrated on washing my hands and using antibacterial hand gels. And of course, I was getting a Neulasta shot after each of my treatments during the first A/C cocktails to boost my white blood count. That worked very well. With the Taxol, my white cells were in good shape, but the red cells dropped 3 or 4 times, and I got an Aranesp shot to boost those. So far so good!

PHOTO: An ancient church tower in Ireland.

More on Fires

We've been spending a lot of time today watching the news about the California fires, noting especially what's going on in San Diego County. We feel so badly about what's been lost and what is still in danger of being lost. Our relative Bill wrote in an email:

"I'm afraid that maybe a dozen or so of our Knights got burnt out, can't really tell yet, as no one is allowed in areas affected. They were up in N. Rancho Bernardo/Poway, then a new neighborhood, 4 S Ranch, West of RB. Fire went down thru Rancho Sante Fe, getting some big homes. They have evacuated the eastern part of Del Mar, some places over to the coast."

I just heard that 950,000 people have been evacuated in California. 350,000 homes. Can you imagine? Nearly a million people. One of every 3 homes in San Diego Co. is under evacuation. 1500 buildings (houses/businesses), 600 square miles burned in California. Containment is days away at the earliest. More than a dozen wildfires now burning. I'm wondering about so many friends from San Diego, how they're doing and whether they have been among those who have lost their homes. What a nightmare. I can't imagine what's it's like for the firefighters and police. It has to be just awful - the heat, the long hours, the emotions. They try so hard, and what they're up against is futile in so many cases. Hard to say how long it will continue to burn. At this point, we've heard that there have been 2 deaths. A legislator from California was on TV tonight, and I had to applaud when he said what he'd really like would be for the National Guard to be returned from Iraq so that they could fight the fires. Amen to that!

PHOTO: Reflections in the pond on our community homeowner's property.

California Burning

One of our neighbor friends came over this morning with an enormous bouquet of cosmos flowers from their yard for me. It's just gorgeous. She also gave me a CD produced by another member of her family who sings professionally. I heard her sing live at a party at their house last year, and really enjoyed hearing her. What a nice surprise to receive the flowers and CD. They are such nice friends.

Today was our monthly book club. Had a great lunch at Sharon's and got a chance to catch up with everyone. One woman of our group wasn't able to come, but the rest of us had a good old fashioned gab fest. Betty had been in the hospital for nearly 3 weeks during the last book club, but she's doing really well now. It was good to see her and the others, because now that I don't go to water aerobics during chemo, I don't get to see the other women very often. It seems that this has been a difficult year for several of us. We won't be unhappy to see the end of 2007 in a few months.

Jim and I have been keeping an eye on the news of the fires in California. Jim's cousin Lorraine and her husband Bill, and their extended family live in greater San Diego, and we've heard a couple of reports from them about what's going on. There are 9 fires currently in San Diego County, according to Bill, the closest one about 5 miles away. That was as of a couple of hours ago. They've packed their valuables in his pickup, ready to go, and they are just waiting to see if they will have to leave. They heard that the evacuation to their east has been cancelled, so that's encouraging. While we lived in San Diego, there were a number of threatening fires, but nothing very near our home, although ash occasionally fell in our yard. This is devastating. We've heard that 1/4 million people have been evacuated from their homes. That's an incredible number. My heart goes out to them.

PHOTO: Beautiful mums on an entry to a restaurant in Old Alexandria, VA.

October Sunday

Well this was a good day. The sky couldn't have been bluer, and it was mild and gorgeous outside. Jim did some yard work, blowing leaves off the patio, while I helped out getting things tidied up. Jim hauled the leaves into the woods so that he wouldn't have to take them to the dump. Other than that, it was a lazy day around here.

We saw a couple of deer, a buck and a doe who briefly came to the feeder. Haven't been seeing too much of the deer lately. They have been making themselves scarce. Besides, they have plenty in the woods to eat, so they aren't as drawn to the feeder.

Did some reading today until it made me sleepy so I took a nap. Also worked on my beading for a while. Tonight I spent time going over receipts and paperwork. Yuck. I've let it slide for a while and it was a huge pile. I made a pretty significant dent in it but left some for tomorrow.

Jim is still getting better. He's supposed to take it easy until Wednesday and not lift anything over 10 pounds. That's to prevent the incision in the groin from opening up and bleeding. I'm doing fine. Glad for the relaxing day after this hectic week that just passed. Looking forward to my doctor's appointment on Thursday to learn how I've done with the chemo. Fingers crossed!

PHOTO: A baby picture of Ming Poo. Her coat is quite a bit darker now. The framed saying says it all - "Cats are Children, Only with Fur"

Craft Fair

Today was my first craft fair. The stars were still out when I left this morning at 6:30! We had to be at the school at 7:00 to set up and the fair began at 9:00. There were lots of students available to help transport supplies inside, and it worked very well. The registration also went very smoothly. Sharon and I worked quickly to set up our table, and it looked all sparkly and pretty when we finished. Bling! We had lots of inventory with us, and got quite a lot of positive comments and compliments on our jewelry. Since it is crocheted wire, even though there were half a dozen other jewelry vendors, ours was unique and created quite a draw. There were several things going on at the school and elsewhere, so there wasn't as much traffic as we would have liked. The vendors were disappointed in the relative lack of people who came to the fair, but it was still a great experience. We are looking forward to the next one, soon!

Jim spent a quiet day at home recouping from his hospital stay. He's feeling pretty good, although still experiencing tiredness. He napped off and on several times. I'm so glad he's on the mend, and I'm sure he will be feeling much better very soon.

Now that the pressure is off from this crazy week, I'm glad to just relax for the evening. I may pick up a book again. Haven't been able to do any reading this whole week, and I miss it.

Home from the Hospital

Jim is back from the hospital, finally. They kept him overnight after his stents, and he ended up with a very bad case of acid reflux last night, the worse he's ever had, that resulted in bloody vomit and an upper GI procedure today. They found some small ulcers on his esophagus that should be able to be healed with medications in a couple of months. It's good they are addressing this problem, because he's been complaining of acid reflux quite a bit recently as well as foods "not agreeing with him" more and more often lately. It will be good to have this explored and corrected. He was given several prescriptions to be filled.

We didn't get home from the hospital until nearly 7:00 tonight. I'm really wiped out. Had my own PET scan and CT scan today and the indications look pretty good, although I will have to wait until the report goes to my doctor and I have an appointment with him next Thursday.

Meanwhile, my taste buds are causing everything I eat to taste funny, off, or generally not good. I know some chemo patients complain of a metallic taste in their mouth, but I don't know if that's what I'm experiencing. All I know is that all food is very disappointing to me now. Will this finally be the thing that allows me to lose weight?

PHOTO: Our Paddle, Platinum Solid Tonkinese, in a typical sleeping pose.

All is Well

This was a long day, but very successful. I got home this evening just about 8:00, so I'm pretty tired, but relieved.

All went well with my chemo appointment and Jim's procedure went very well indeed. It took a long time because once the doctors did the cath, they knew exactly what they wanted to do, that is they wanted to put stents at the sites of the 2 blockages. They also decided Jim made a good candidate for a study they have going on, so they brought him back to recovery, woke him up, explained the study, got his permission signature, hauled him back to surgery, put in 3 stents and brought him back again to recovery. (The 3 stents were 2 side-by-side on one blockage and 1 on the other.) I was able to talk to the doctor who did the procedure, and he was very upbeat and positive as to the success of the procedure. He said it went perfectly.

The study, if I remember correctly, is for a stent with a coating on it that avoids the buildup of plaque. Jim looks really good, with a good color in his face. He had to remain flat without raising his head and without lifting his leg. They were waiting for his blood pressure to go down and the clotting factor to be at a certain point so that they could move him into a room overnight. I will pick him up between 12 and 1 tomorrow after my PET scan to bring him home. He has a great team of people in the recovery room looking after him. I am so impressed with the staff at St. Joseph's. What a nice hospital!

That's about all I know right now, at least all I can think of. He's doing well, is in good hands, and after resting at home for the next 4 days or so, he will be able to restart exercise and normal activities. The 4 days of rest is to give the groin incision a chance to heal. He's going home with a handful of prescriptions and various medications he will need to take to keep his cholesterol down and keep his blood thin. He's going to start feeling so much better he'll think he's 50 again. Or maybe 60. Even 70! Whatever, he'll feel better!

PHOTO: A cold and windy day on a beach on Cape Cod. I love the blue of the sky and the clouds, the seaside cottages. So very Cape Cod!

Harrassment

I did manage to get my two scheduled tests done today, but only because I put up a "fight." The person who made the scheduled appointment for me sent me a confirming email of the places, dates, and times, and added that I would have to have my previous mammogram films returned to the lab from my doctor's office. I called my doctor's office and told them, and they agreed to send them over. Then I got a reminder phone call on Monday from the mammogram place that they would need the films. I told her that I had called my doctor's office and asked to have them sent. She said they had not yet arrived, and I should make another call in the morning to the office to verify that they would be sending them by courier, as there was not enough time to send them by mail. I made the call on Tuesday morning. The office person assured that they had been sent by courier, and should be there "as we speak."

Fast forward to Wednesday at 9:00. I was sitting in the back room with other women in pink gowns, waiting my turn. The technician came out and told me she didn't have any films for me. I told her about the call to the doctor's office, and the assurance that they had been sent over by courier. There was general confusion, a recheck, and I was told that the films were not there, but the courier had been contacted on the road, and he did indeed have the films, but wouldn't be at the facility for 1-2 hours. Furthermore, I was told I should reschedule my appointment, as I couldn't have the mammogram without the previous films for comparison. I said I'm already here, just take the new pictures, and read the films when the others arrive. No, we don't do it that way, she said. Come back here at 3:00. I told her that was not possible, I had other things scheduled for this afternoon and I wanted the pictures taken as planned, since I had an MRI scheduled downstairs at 10:30, and I couldn't have the MRI done if I hadn't already had the mammogram done. She went back to consult again with Powers That Be, and finally said the best they could do was that they would take the films as if they were taking a baseline with no films to compare, and later, when the films arrived, if they needed another view, I would be called and would have to return to their facility for another shot. I agreed. The pictures were taken and I went on to my MRI appointment.

The breast MRI is a torture chamber of another sort. You have to remain absolutely still while this extremely loud jackhammer sound pounds away next to your ear. It takes 25 minutes. I transported myself off to somewhere else, and eventually it was finished. As I was getting dressed, I was handed a fax from the mammogram department. Apparently the courier had arrived with my films and the radiologist went ahead and did the comparisons and gave me the results. "Known cancer is still seen." "Follow up with Dr. Schultz."

I was disheartened, as you can imagine. After nearly 6 months of chemo, I had expected, or hoped for, no evidence of disease. Well, we went home, and I emailed Dr. Schultz to ask about it. He wrote back immediately and assured me that "One of the problems is that now radiologic study accurately identifies size of residual tumor. Often it shows only the shell or fibrosed area where the tumor used to be. Can't even tell when we have the tissues in our hands or even cut thru it in the lab. It's the microscopic evaluation that counts!" So now I will wait until next week when I have an appointment with him and he has the other test results and will learn exactly where I stand.

At any rate, I think it is irresponsible for them to give a patient this kind of sketchy information with no explanation. It would have been better if I had not received any information at all and it went directly to my doctor. Sigh ...

PHOTO: Last October 's brilliant yellow leaves.

Scheduling Marathon

This is going to be a doozy of a week. Tomorrow we have to be at Greenspring Station at 9:00 for my mammogram appointment, then at 10:30 I have an MRI test at the same place. On Thursday I have a chemo appointment at 10:30 at St. Joseph's and Jim has a cardiac catharitization appointment at St. Joseph's, same building, at 11:00. His procedure will actually begin at 1:00 and will take 15-30 minutes. If the doctor finds a blockage, he will have a stent put in, and he will stay overnight at the hospital. Otherwise, he will go home with me late in the afternoon. On Friday I have a PET scan scheduled at 10:00 on York Rd. If Jim is still in the hospital, I will go back to St. Joseph's after my PET scan, check Jim out of the hospital, and drive us home.

And, conveniently, Sharon and I are registered for a craft fair on Saturday at a local high school. We have to be there at 7:00 in the morning to set up, the fair begins at 9:00, and lasts until 3:00. This is too much - literally!

I am so glad we were able to dovetail the chemo and the catharitization together at the same time, same place. We are both comfortable with St. Joseph's and we're familiar with it. I wouldn't have wanted to have to wait until next week for Jim's procedure, now that we know what the problem is, or is suspected to be. He's been in a kind of holding pattern at home lately, taking it easy and avoiding exercise, and I know he wants to get on with curing the problem so he can get back to his life again. One of my friends told me a while ago that her husband had a stent put in, and he has been feeling a lot better since then. We'll focus on that positive thought.

PHOTO: A stained glass ceiling in the foyer of the Bristol hotel in Stresa, Italy.

Bland Taste/Test Results

Something dawned on me today. I realized that I don't taste things the same as I usually do. I had a glass of cider today, and it was very bland to me and seemed watery. Jim was drinking the same thing, and I asked him if he thought it was good, and he did. Also, last week I made a meatloaf, as I usually do, and I thought it didn't have much flavor. Jim liked it, complimented me on it, but I was disappointed in it and went to get the salt and pepper to spice it up a little, which it did, but I still didn't think much of it. Well, it very well may be that the Taxol I'm getting weekly has had an effect on my taste buds. It makes sense to me. It also may be an accumulative thing that is just recently getting to the point where I notice it.

Jim's cardiologist just called this afternoon with results of his cardiac CT scan he had last week. As the doctor had suspected, but the stress test did not show, he has 2 moderate to severe blockages on either side of his heart. Those need to be removed with cardiac catharization. Jim has backed off on his normal exercise routines for the past month since he initially went to the cardiologist with symptoms of a drain of energy during exercising and other symptoms. It's taken this long to get the tests done and the results in, which has been very frustrating to both of us. Now the doctor's office is going to call tomorrow with the scheduling they have come up with, hopefully this week, at St. Joseph's Cardiac Unit. Jim's doctor said they have people at St. Joseph's who can take care of this procedure, which is where Jim would like to have it done. While we are both concerned with the diagnosis, we are at least relieved to get the answer as to why he has been experiencing arrythmia and fluctuating blood pressure, pounding of his heart, chest tightness, and general lack of energy. This catharization should make him feel 100% better. And me too!

PHOTO: Jim last November at Muddy Falls, Deep Creek, MD

Colorfest

This was Colorfest weekend in Thurmont, and Cathy, Sharon, and I went today to check it out. They have both been there in the past, but I haven't. The scenery was beautiful on the drive there, which didn't take very long at all. The leaves are now beginning to change color and soon will be putting on a spectacular show. The countryside was lovely. We even saw a llama farm with some really cute critters. Lots of regular farm animals. Some really cute goats.

There were large crowds of people at the fair, and lots of interesting things to see. We spent time looking at different jewelry, just to see what's being sold and how much vendors are charging. After walking around for a while, I really needed a rest. I went back and spent time in the car, which worked out pretty well, while the others walked around the town. It's the old fatigue thing catching up with me. We had scored a great parking spot at the Cozy Restaurant where we had lunch, and I enjoyed people watching from the car. Sharon and I are getting nervous about our own fair next weekend. I think we will both be glad when it's over and we can relax.

Jim worked on a really useful project today. He's wired an outside light so that we can flip a switch from inside the house, instead of walking outside to turn it on. He's been wanting to do that for a long time now. I love the ceiling light he installed last week. It looks really good in our kitchen.

PHOTO: A fox sunning himself in our backyard one morning.

Fair Preparations

Now this is more like Fall. The air is cool, and a light jacket feels good. Had another fun yard sailing, lunching, shopping, crafting day with my friends. There were four of us together today, and it was a hoot. Sharon and I got a lot of really good advice from Carolyn and Cathy about what we need to do next week for the craft fair. So much to think about. Who knows if we will be successful, in sales, but one thing's for sure - we'll have fun doing it.

One thing we learned was an easy and simple way to package our jewelry. Carolyn taught us how to make some beautiful paper bags, and they only take about 60 seconds to make one. That will be a lot better than the jewelry pouches I was planning to use to package the jewelry in. Carolyn says the pouches should not be given away, but rather should be sold. She thinks they will sell on their own, which would be good. The paper bags are actually made out of beautiful scrapbooking background papers, so each one is unique and unusual. We also have sticker labels that Cathy made for us on the computer, with our company name - Three Laughing Women - that we will use to seal the bags. We're set!

Ming Poo has been neglected all day, so she is walking back and forth across the computer keyboard. She turns on the caps for me. Such a good kitty. Very affectionate with both Jim and me, and goes back and forth between the two of us to "share the love." She has the other kitties cowed. Ball especially gets teased and tormented by her. He's constantly attacked and ends up running to Jim's lap for protection. To think, Ball used to be the alpha cat. You'd never know it now!

PHOTO: A peaceful moment with all four of our kitties. Ming Poo is the Natural Mink (dark brown one), Pong is the Blue Solid (dark gray), Paddle is in the back (Platinum Solid), a little darker than Ball, the one in the front (Platinum Mink).

A Week Til the Craft Fair

Not much of anything to say tonight. I've been keeping myself busy today doing things to get ready for a craft fair in a week. Sharon and I are going to be selling our jewelry at a local High School craft fair. I've never done anything like this before, but Sharon has in the past. I've been making some jewelry pouches today, with mixed success. Although they should have all been the same size, I was pretty lax in cutting out the material and so they aren't the same sizes. Creative license, you could say. Then I wasn't paying close attention, since I had the TV on, and ended up sewing some of them wrong sides together and had to redo them. And of course, I had the usual battles with my sewing machine, which sews along perfectly for a while, then jams, or changes the tension and makes loops in the back, lots of different issues that result in delays, cross words, and ripping out of bad seams. It's a tempermental machine that doesn't get used very often, a Sears Kenmore, a very suitable basic machine. I read the user's manual every time I sew with it to make sure I've got all the settings right. It's just fussy.

Anyway, I have the majority of the pouches sewn together now, that is the ones that I had cut out, but I should have a lot more before next Saturday. I don't know if that will happen or not. I think I should be concentrating on having enough jewelry put together, and right now, I have several pieces that aren't quite finished. They need closures or pendants or matching earrings. Also, I want to have more fall season pieces in my stock, so I need to make several more sets. I have the materials, just need the time.

PHOTO: Muddy Falls, Deep Creek, MD

Taxol/Herceptin #9

I got up this morning at 3:45 after an 11 hour "nap." We got home from chemo and Jim's cardiac CT scan appointments at about 4:30 pm, and after putting together a quick chicken dinner for Jim, I laid down for a nap. The Benadryl had really hit me hard this time, along with the chemo drugs, and I was very tired. Long story short, I slept through until 3:45 am, and decided I was through sleeping and got up. Lit a fire in the fireplace, since it was a bit chilly, heated up some coffee, and answered some emails. It's now 5:00 am.

I had made 4 dozen Snickerdoodles to take in to the oncology nurses, and they were thrilled. Apparently, it's a cookie that everyone likes, and they had turned out well. I appreciate the nurses so much, and wanted to give a little something in return. I'm sure around the holidays they are inundated with goodies, but it's just an ordinary non-holiday time now, so the timing was good.

My chemo experience was different this time. The 10 chairs were totally full when I arrived, so I had to go way into the back exam room for my treatment. No room at the inn! I had a comfortable leather recliner chair and a "visitor" chair, and they had Jim come back from the waiting room to keep me company until he had to leave for his appointment. Then the nurses came back occasionally to chat with me, so I wasn't all by myself. My drip went more quickly this time, so I was finished in 3 hours. Jim was picked me up at 4:00, so I waited in the lobby for him to call on his cell. I was so tired and dozed off for a while in the chair.

By the way, my "hair" is now about 1/4 inch long. It's more like long peach fuzz than regular hair. At least it is coming back. I'll take what I can get!

PHOTO: Last autumn across the road on Cold Saturday Farm. I love walking through there.

A Fellow Traveler

I was shopping in Martin's today, when a woman in a newsboy cap smiled at me and said hello as she passed. As I debated over the which fish to buy, she returned, and asked me if I had cancer. She had of course spotted my dead-giveaway scarf. I said yes, I do, and she flashed me a big smile and said "Me too!," lifting off her cap to reveal her bald head. We introduced ourselves and had a nice, long chat about our shared experiences, as well as those ahead of us. Her name is Emily, and she is a 34-year old wife and mother. She said her family had just moved into a new house in the area after the first of the year, and in July she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Emily is a small woman, I'm guessing Philippina, and her tumor was 9 cm when it was discovered. That's huge! It must have taken up her entire breast. She has since had a mastectomy with 3 treatments of A/C chemo, and will also have Taxol and radiation. That's very similar to my treatment. Her experience with the chemo has been rougher than mine. She's had a lot of difficult side effects.

It was really good to talk with her. We exchanged names, phone numbers, and email addresses so that we can keep in touch. She is very proactive in taking charge of her treatment and keeps herself very well informed. She's being treated at the local hospital and is very happy with her surgeon and the oncology group she's using. She shared some information with me about resources available to breast cancer patients that I had been unaware of. I admire her positive attitude and her enthusiasm. I will send her an email tomorrow. She said there was an article she wanted me to see regarding the dye being used with the MRI breast imaging tests that has caused problems with some women. Since I am having that test done next week, I would be interested in what it says. I believe I saw something regarding that subject recently, but I didn't really pay attention to it. I should make an effort to stay more informed.

PHOTO: An old stump in an ancient forest in Maryland. I love the green algae growing on it.

I've Been Better

Not feeling 100% tonight, so I'm going to forgo my usual rambling blog. It's nothing much, I'm just feeling blah. I'll write tomorow.

Oh, one thing - we did have a downpour tonight with a thunder and lightening show. Much needed rain.

Another Week Begins

Another hot one today, but we're definitely not alone. The weather is hot all over the east. But we should be getting some cooler weather soon. Hooray! I must have had a screw loose, but I cooked a meat loaf for dinner tonight in the oven. With the fan on, it wasn't too bad. The meal turned out pretty well, if I do say so.

Went to the library today to put in some volunteer time. I was upstairs by myself, which suits me. Didn't stay an awfully long time, but I got a lot done. I love it when I solve a mystery or a problem, and I did today. A real sense of accomplishment. It doesn't take a lot to entertain me. Before I left, I bought a hard bound book by Better Homes and Gardens on crafts for 50 cents at the library book sale. I read through it after I got home, and I got a real bargain. Several ideas I may actually try. The ideas are more sophisticated than many craft projects usually are.

I'm taking a break from making another necklace tonight. This one is shades of white, cream, beige, and gold. I think it will be quite nice. It was inspired by a mother of pearl medalion that I've wanted to use for a long time. Sharon and I may be getting a vendor table at a local craft fair in a couple of weeks, and if that happens, we will need to have an inventory of things to sell. Nothing like a deadline to put things into high gear!

PHOTO: Youghiagheny River near Swallow Falls, Deep Creek, MD.

Ninety Degrees, but Thinking About Fall

October 7th, and it was 90° today. Yikes! An otherwise nice day, but hot and humid. While it was still relatively cool outside, I pruned our hibiscus plants out on the patio. Cut quite a bit from them in preparation for bringing them inside for the winter. Jim installed overhead grow lights in the basement last year, set the lights on an automatic timer, and we had a beautiful jungle growing until the spring. The hibiscus would bloom, the other plants continued to thrive, and it was nice to bring them out in the spring and save some money at the nursery on new plants. We're fortunate to have the room down stairs. My only worry was making sure I checked them every few days to see if they needed to be watered.

I was doing some beading before I started my blog tonight. For whatever reason, I'm having a hard time coming up with design ideas. I have plenty of materials to work with, enough beads and embellishments, but the ideas are lacking. I must have sat and stared for 15 minutes at a finished necklace, trying to decide whether it should have a pendant hanging from it. How annoying that is. I finally decided to leave it be, but what a waste of time. I should have just made the matching earrings and be done with it. I'm trying to concentrate on making necklaces that are more for fall or winter, but a lot of the materials I have are more for spring or summer, and I shouldn't waste my time on those right now. They'll keep. I do have the fall colors as well, I just find myself attracted to the lighter colors, the pinks and aquas and light pastels.

While I was beading, I started listening to a new book on CD called Lost in the Forest by Sue Miller. I've finished one disc, and it seems to be an interesting story. Audio books lend themselves much better to beading than trying to watch TV. For one thing, I have magnifier glasses that go over your head, and they work really well for doing up close work, but if you try to glance up at the TV, it doesn't work at all. They are very charming, you can imagine. Jim loaned them to me when I started doing this jewelry making, and they help a lot. He has all the right tools.

PHOTO: Just the earliest color changing of the Burning Bush in our back yard. Before long it will be vibrant.

Neighborhood Party

My anniversary roses are completely opened up, and I'm afraid they aren't going to last very long. The yellow ones especially are fully opened and looking like they are going to start dropping petals by tomorrow. Sigh ... and I did everything I was supposed to do to keep them fresh and happy. Well, they are still gorgeous. Red, yellow, apricot, and white.

Had a great day with my friends today, although for whatever reason, none of us were the sharpest tools in the shed. We were all a little slow and befuddled, but once we got going things got better. It was a successful yard sailing day today, with some great buys being had by both Sharon and Cathy. I had my share as well, only on some smaller items. The van was full at day's end, with little money exchanging hands, and as usual we had a great time together. And we had a great lunch.

Jim and I had a homeowner's association annual meeting and party to attend this evening. It's nice to get together once a year with some of the people we otherwise don't see. We go over the business of our development and discuss things of interest to all of us. There are 13 homes in our community, some younger familes, some with college age kids, and then there's us - a nice, small group, and very congenial. There's always one in every crowd, however. I was wearing a head scarf, as I always do (the wigs just aren't working for me, too uncomfortable) when our neighbor said he didn't know what to make of me, was I going to be in some kind of a march? I said I didn't know what he meant, and he said something about the head scarf I was wearing, I was dressed like I was going to be in a march. He must have thought I looked like a "peacenik" or something. I said I was undergoing chemo for cancer, and he immediately started telling me that he had cancer 24 years ago. Great, just what I wanted to chat about at a party. When I didn't reply, he said maybe I didn't want to talk about it, and I said that's right. I was so annoyed with him. He's been a jerk ever since the first day we met, and today was no exception. Jim doesn't get upset with him any more. He says that's just who he is, and he's right, of course. I'm just a tad more testy that that. A march, indeed. I think I'll go march around his house with a picket sign: Warning! This man has foot in mouth disease.

PHOTO: A beautiful peach hibiscus in bloom on our patio.

Anniversary

Today was our wedding anniversary, number 26. Jim is such a romantic. He surprised me with a very romantic card, two dozen beautiful multicolored roses and a Godiva chocolate gift basket. It was so nice, I melted. Then tonight we went to a local restaurant for dinner. It was a really nice anniversary.

It is so dry outside. We haven't really had rain for more than a month, and it's pitiful out there. Driving over the "reservoir" is sad. It's so dry. How dry is it? It's so dry that all that's left is a winding trickle. The whole reservoir basin is exposed and growing a blanket of weeds. It's pathetic.

I feel better today, thanks to the Aranesp shot for anemia I got yesterday. It's a pattern not. I get the shot in my IV, get sleepy and take a nap when we get home, then I'm up for most of the night. The shot boosts the red blood cells and gives me more energy the next day. Good stuff!

PHOTO: Burning bush last October.

Taxol/Herceptin #8

Today went well at St. Joseph's for my chemo infusion. I was relieved to see that my MUGA scan test was at 55%, the same as it was in August, so it hasn't dropped at all. That's good. I will have one more MUGA after my last chemo treatment in a month.

You may have seen the national news about a sinkhole that happened in La Jolla, California yesterday. You can read the story and see slideshows of the sinkhole at the local NBC news website.

The 50-yard sinkhole and resulting landslide dropped 4 lanes of Soledad Mountain Road 20 feet, and destroyed a number of very expensive (million dollar plus) homes in the process. Ok, here's the reason I bring this up. This happened in the 5700 block of Soledad Mountain Rd. Our address for the 17 years we lived out there was 5373 Soledad Mountain Rd., about a quarter mile down the mountain from the sinkhole.

This was the route that Jim and I took every day to work, up over the mountain and into La Jolla to the University (UCSD.) It made our commute about 10-12 minutes, compared to a terrible bottle neck if we went via the I-5 North, at least 30 minutes on a good day. Who knows how long this heavily traveled road will be under reconstruction now that this catastrophe has happened. I feel so badly for the residents there. It will be awful, months and months of construction - perhaps a year or more. Not only has the sinkhole occurred, but according to the information from the local news channel, the earth is still moving. The houses are sliding backward toward the Rose Canyon behind them, which is also the site of the Rose Canyon Fault, a major earthquake fault in San Diego.

Initially, 111 homeowners were told to evacuate, but 75 were allowed to go back home. The other homes have either been condemned and tagged or have significant damage. People are very worried about losing everything they have, and are also worried about getting their pets out. Over 2600 families are without electricity and many are without water and gas. Trying to fix the problem will be monumental.

From what I have read, that Soledad Mountain Road development was begun in 1961. Seven houses under construction in 1961 were lost in a similar landslide, and there have been other landslides since then. A landslide three years ago cost $750,000 to repair the backyard of one of these homes. There have been temporary fixes, "band-aids" to address subsidence, but the only way to really fix the problem is to take down the houses, do a proper fix, and rebuild. According to one report, this present sinkhole happened while workmen were working on a broken water main underground, and water was seen squirting up through the cracks in the road before the sinkhole gave way. Perhaps that's true - he has video of the water coming up, but that's only one factor in the reasons for the problem.

Jim and I are very glad that we ourselves left San Diego before this happened. Trying to sell a house now with this problem and the cracks that will have developed in the slabs (no basements) in surrounding and nearby houses would be impossible. Property values are bound to plummet.

PHOTO: This is a new computer to me since we moved to Maryland, and since I don't have any photos from California or La Jolla on this computer, here is a picture of beautiful white azaleas. Sorry!

Cranky Wednesday

Well, I have to say - I'm tired of being tired. Woke up groggy late this morning and dragged around. I don't know what's going on, but I'm not feeling very chipper. Just cranky and irritable. Hope this mood goes away soon. It's no fun.

Jim had his 2000 Tundra in for service today, and that turned out to be a pretty big expense. More wrong with the truck than he had counted on, but at least now that it's been serviced and repaired, even though it's an 8 year old truck, it runs well and should last him until he can't stand it any longer and has to get a new one. Or at least new-er.

The weather has been like Indian summer lately. Really nice, The cats have been spending the day lounging and sleeping on the patio chairs. Even Paddle, who hates it if there's a breeze.

I'm off to do some beading. I got a couple more books on CD that I can listen to while I bead. Just finished another Anne Tyler book on CD called Digging to America about two familes who adopt babies from Korea, both arriving on the same airplane. It was ok. Didn't like that 2 of the characters had breast cancer. One died half way thorugh, then her daughter ended up with breast cancer a couple of years later, but her fate isn't learned before the story ends.

PHOTO: A photo of a stone commemerating the signing of the Treaty of Limmerick, A. D. 1691. Limmerick, Ireland

Another MUGA Scan Today

I had an appointment today for a MUGA scan at 9:15. Jim and I left in plenty of time, but fate had other plans. There was an accident on the 795 freeway that had traffic pretty much at a standstill, and as a result I was 30 minutes late. It was one of those things that is out of one's control, but nontheless ... Anyway, all was forgiven and I had my test with no waiting.

The reason for the MUGA is that chemotherapy is hard on the heart and can reduce cardiac activity, so they first do a base line prior to chemo and then test every so often to see if there are any changes in the heart activity. The technician first takes some blood from inside the elbow area, spins down the blood cells, labels them with a radioactive material, and then re-inserts the labeled blood back into the vein. The patient lies on a table and a gamma camera takes pictures of the pumping heart. The purpose of the test is to measure the pumping ability of the heart ventricles. I had a base line MUGA in May that came in at 60%. Normal is 55% or above. The follow up MUGA I had in August was at 55%. Because of the drop in the pumping ability, the doctor wants to keep an eye on it, so I had this one today. If today's test shows it has fallen again, there could be a change in my chemo. I won't know until Thursday, but they could interrupt the chemo to give the heart a chance to recover, or they may just go ahead with it. I'll just have to see what happens.

For whatever reason, I have been really tired today. I could hardly stay awake. As a matter of fact, I didn't - I took a long nap, and had a hard time waking up afterward. I did some grocery shopping and made a couple of stops in town, then came home and put together a Minestrone soup from a recipe a friend shared. It was delicious. The only change I made to her recipe was that I included some browned ground beef, figuring it would go over better with Jim with some meat in it. He liked it and so did I. We ended up with a couple more meals worth of soup, and that was just fine with me.

After dinner I went to a crafting night at a friend's house. Carolyn is an art teacher, and every month she has a crafting night at her home where we make a couple of creative things that she has decided upon, gathered all the materials for, and made a sample for us to copy. There are about a dozen women in the group. We meet in Carolyn's studio. Tonight's crafts were an adorable Frankenstein doorstop made from a landscaping cement block and a clever Halloween card made from a blank puzzle, painted and stamped with Halloween images. Very unique. I think I'll sit Frank out on the front step with the fall flowers. It will be pretty cute out there.

PHOTO: A horse barn roof on Cold Saturday Farm, across the road from our house.

A Free Massage

Well, this was a busy day - for me that is. I went to Curves, which I hadn't done for the past couple of weeks, and afterwards went to the library to put in some volunteer time. At Curves, we were treated to a free 10-minute chair massage after our workouts. Ah, heaven. The masseuse was a very nice woman, a friend of the Curves owner, who was getting her name out there to increase her business. It was very nice and relaxing, unexpected. I've experienced one of those chair massages previously, for a couple of minutes, but I've never had a full massage. I'm sure I would enjoy it - who wouldn't? Maybe some day.

Got quite a bit done at the library, and eased my guilt a little over not being there very often recently. I do enjoy being there and prior to this cancer business, I was going in twice a week. I hope I will be able to get back into the rhythm again soon.

I was really tired when I got home, and took a nice nap. Jim had spent some time today hanging a new ceiling light in the kitchen, replacing the fluorescent light above the island. He still has some more work to do on it and to patch the ceiling and paint, but it works and looks nice - offers a soft glow. That's because the bulbs are lower wattage than we normally would use. We may have to up the wattage somewhat if it's too atmospheric and impractical, but that's not a big deal.

PHOTO: Some of our flower pots on the patio. Love the color!